Journey To Vietnam

2009-03-26T12:54:00.000-04:00

2007 Comes To An End

2007-12-31T15:13:00.000-05:00

This has been the most fantastic year ever and its weird to feel a bit sad about it ending. Having spent an entire year as mom and dad to Bryan, its really something to look back and reflect on now. So many changes this year. We have changed, and of course Bryan has changed the most. Over the course of this year, we watched our son grow and blossom from a tiny baby into a toddler. The cutest and sweetest little guy we ever could have dreamed of.

Where there once Bryan was not even able to sit up by himself, now he is not only walking, but climbing and running. We've even gotten him to dance a couple times. He has a funny sense of humor and loves to laugh and be silly. He is very sensitive and cries easily if you raise your voice at him. He is able to communicate so much more now, and can tell us when he wants to eat or wants a drink. And now when we are outside or in the store, he will wave and say "hi" to people. Bryan loves taking a bath, and has fun splashing in the water and filling cups with water and pouring them out........sometimes all over me and the floor.

These are the words Bryan is saying so far:

ma-ma, da-da, Dyna (the dog), milk (sounds like ma, but hes trying), eat!-eat!

once we even heard him say doggie, doctor (when he was really sick and we were taking him to urgent care), and jacket

Bryans favorite foods of late:

cottage cheese and string cheese, oranges and bananas, oatmeal, goldfish crackers and of course Cheerios, anything pasta, french fries (the occasional treat that makes Bryans eyes light up). Bryan also loves Mexican food. He likes a chicken soft taco with rice and beans.

Bryan has seven teeth and is getting ready for No 8. He is much better now with letting me clean his teeth and even tries to do his own flossing. Hes making mom proud.

Bryans latest fascination is with anything to do with cars and trucks. One of his very favorite ways to spend a day is outside in the garage with daddy, and taking a ride around the neighborhood on the ATV. He likes to watch the Speed channel with daddy too, and says vroom!!! when the cars and monster trucks are on.

Bryans favorite TV shows:

Wonder Pets and Backyardigans. Oh, and Monster Truck Jam.

Bryans favorite toys:

Other than of course his cars and trucks, he loves his books, and has finally mastered his shape-sorter toy.

New things Bryan has figured out:

He goes in the veggie crisper drawer and pulls out carrot sticks and feeds them to Dyna.

He knows when we are driving down our street and starts saying da-da right away.

Bryan knows where his nose, eyes, ears, hair and belly are.

He has also gotten quite good at eating with a spoon, and very often will wave bye-bye.

Bryans adoption decree came today

2007-09-01T16:13:00.000-04:00

Im so impressed that the county said it would take 3 months to get the paperwork done, and it was to the day. So now a birth certificate will be put on file for Bryan here in NC, and we have adoption papers (written in English!) that list us as a forever family.

Oh, and Bryans name is officially changed now too!

Names and their meanings

2007-08-18T21:31:00.000-04:00

I knew that Bryan means strong, but it wasnt until I asked a Vietnamese woman, that I found out the meaning of Bryans middle name "Tinh". She spoke very broken English, but in the best way she could, she said that it means "I trust you", or "I believe in you".

Strong. Trust. Believe. I think those are perfect words to sum Bryan Tinh up. He is most definately going to grow to be a strong man who is trustworthy, and who his family and peers can look up to and believe in.

Happy Birthday Bryan!

2007-08-12T11:23:00.000-04:00

This weekend is all about our sweet boy! We kicked it off on Friday by going to the mall to get 1yr pics taken, and then going to lunch. When we got the pics back, I just couldnt believe my eyes! The Bryan I was looking at was a toddler! A growing up little boy! He's just so big now! Wow is all I can say.

Then after the mall, we went home and started getting ready for the party on Saturday. Lots of friends and family, except for grandma who is sick and couldnt come to visit, came to help us celebrate. Bryan had alot of fun playing with everyone, and of course playing with his new toys and eating (if you want to call it that) his birthday cake. Thank you everyone for coming and helping us make Bryans big day really special.

We also had a Thoi Noi ceremony for Bryan, which is a Vietnamese custom that is done on the first birthday. You put several different items in front of the child and let them choose a few. The things they pick are suppossed to foretell what they will grow up to do in life. So Bryan, of course, went right for the drumstick. Growing up in this house, Im sure he'll learn an instrument or two, so we were fully expecting that. After that, he chose a calculator. Good boy. So maybe one day Bryan will be able to get mommys checkbook to balance.

Since today is his actual birthday, we're going to go out for a pasta dinner tonight. Bryan is like his mom and just loves his macaroni! Im really looking forward to this since it will just be the three of us. And Bryan still has a few presents to open from mom and dad later on too.

To our birthday boy.......Bryan sweetie, we love you very much and are so happy that you are our son. We couldnt have asked for more in a child than what you are. You fill our home and our hearts with so much love, warmth and joy every single day. We are so proud of you. Happy Birthday baby!

What Bryans up to these days

2007-07-30T13:25:00.000-04:00

We just cant believe that Bryans birthday is coming up in two weeks! I still cant believe that Im planning my babys birthday party. Sometimes having Bryasn still feels like a dream to me. And sometimes I still have to go up in his room at night and just to look at him. Just to make sure I havent been having a dream.

So these are some new things Bryan is doing at 11mos:

He is starting to really get the hang of using his sippy cup. Yesterday we used it all day long with the exception of morning, and a small bottle before bed.

He is interesed in using his spoon, and can manage to get it into his mouth if I put a little food on it.

He is walking around the house wtih his Lion push toy really well. Hes also starting to let go and stand on is own. Yesterday, George said that Bryan took 2-3 steps by himself!

He is very interested in the kitchen. Opening cabinets and turning on the dishwasher by himself. He loves to open the lazy susan too, and pull all the containers of spices out to play with.

Bryan has discovered the bathroom now too, and has destroyed one roll of TP so far. Unfortunately, he also tried splashing inthe toilet. Ewwwwww! Needless to say, now the bathroom door has to stay closed.

Im quickly learning that as babies become more mobile, so do mom and dad. You cant turn your back for a second anymore!

Things about Bryan that I love

2007-06-22T14:45:00.000-04:00

OK well, he's my son so of course I love every single thing about him, but these are a few of my favorites of late.

When Bryan get really excited about something, whether its someone he sees, or something he wants to eat, he claps his feet together really fast and loud. Sounds like hands clapping.

Which brings me to the next one. Bryan clapps when I say "yay!", and he also does it when I sing Pat-a-Cake to him. Just melts my heart.

Bryan has a thing about his feet too. If hes sitting on my lap at the table and he cant reach something with his hands, he tries to get it with his feet. He gets a foot up on the table and tries to get what hes after with it. His toes are long enough that they could almost be fingers. Maybe hes gonna be able to do weird things like write or eat with his feet.

Bryan has got the funniest, loudest belly laugh. He loves to be picked up and have kisses on his belly, and he goes nuts when I lay on my back and pick him up in the air on my legs. One of his other favorites is being up on my shoulders and taking a ride around the house. He just screams with laughter.

Now when Im in the kitchen, all of a sudden I'll feel these little hands on my legs. Its Bryan pulling up to stand. I love feeling those little hands, and hearing his little grunts as he picks himself up and gets on his feet. No small task for such a little guy!

Last night we were looking at a book in Bryans room at bedtime, and he was pointing at things in the pictures. Another something new to celebrate!

Meal time is a real adventure now. Bryan is really wanting to feed himself alot now, which is great developmentally, and also just a hoot to watch. Everything has to be inspected from all angles, and squished in the hands thoroughly before it is fit to be swallowed. About 10 mins into his dinner, there is food covering every bit of baby too. Face and hands of course, but then there's hair, eyes, ears....... Too bad he hates having his face washed. Since food is now ending up on the floor too, Dyna is just in heaven. Hooray, table scraps!

Bryan likes to play with his spoon too, and last night I put a little food on it and gave it to him, and he did get it into his mouth. Go Bryan!!!!!!

Saying "Oh-oh!" when he drops something. Thats pretty much everything now since hes starting to toss things around more.

His determination. He can fall down over and over again, and he just gets up and tries until he gets it.Unfortunately this includes the stairs, which little man just mastered. More baby barricades!

When I walk out of the room, I'll hear "Ma!" (not ma-ma, just ma), and then see Bryan coming looking for me.

I'll never get tired of hearing Bryans soft breath as he sleeps, or the beautiful innocent look on his face.

Happy Fathers Day

2007-06-17T16:52:00.000-04:00

I broke down and bought a camcorder for George. OK.......for both of us but still, its a cool gift. Although moneys tight here, I've been wanting one for sooooo, long, and I've started feeling guilty because we've had Bryan for six months now and dont have a single thing on tape. Funny because neither George nor I have any video of us as kids and no permanent damage was done. But in my head I can just hear Bryan when hes older saying that we dont have any of his special moments on video for him to see. "All the other kids do......" Again, Im sure he would live. But now that Bryan is standing up on his own, and pretty soon going to be taking his first steps......I just had to do it. Not to mention, that Bryan and George are just so cute together. Im so proud of them both, and it makes me so happy to see the speical bond that they have. Its priceless. And I just couldnt let another one of those moments slip away.

Bryan gets so excited when he sees his daddy. He gets a big smile and he starts kicking his legs and waving his arms around. He starts giggling too because he knows daddy is going to pick him up and start kissing and tickling him. Way too cute. And George is really trying to help Bryan get steady on his feet since hes standing up all the time now. Daddy better keep his sneakers handy because once Bryan gets his balance hes going to be running down the driveway faster than Forrest.

We filed for Bryans readoption today

2007-06-01T15:17:00.000-04:00

Finally got the paperwork completed and dropped everything off at the County Clerks office this morning! Once everything gets processed between the court and our adoption agency, we'll get a letter in the mail stating the Bryans NC adoption is final and that a birth certificate will be placed on file for him.

I cant believe that we've reached the end of the process. And I cant believe that theres no more paperwork to do. Whoopeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Post Placement Visit

2007-05-19T21:32:00.000-04:00

Today was the last one! What a relief!!! Basically it was the same as the first one back in January. How is Bryan? What kind of new things is he doing? How much has he grown? That sort of thing. Of course I get to talking and just cant stop when it comes to bragging about my baby, so she sure got an earful. I was talking faster than she could write. Thats for sure!

Its so funny because the last time the social worker came out, Bryan was barely holding his head up, was just starting to roll over a bit, and wasnt into toys and playing much at all yet. He was so little still. But this time when she asked me what Bryan is doing, I said that hes starting to tear up the house! What a difference a few months makes with these little guys! Like this afternoon, Bryan started clapping his hands together by himself! I've been showing him and trying to get him to do it for a few weeks now, and then all of a sudden he was on the floor and just started doing it. They are constantly changing and doing something new.

So now the social worker writes up her last report and sends it into the agency, and we can go and file our paperwork at the county courthouse in order to complete Bryans adoption in North Carolina. I nearly had a fit when I realized that it was going to take about a year for the paperwork to get processed and be finalized. Isnt that crazy?

First Mothers Day

2007-05-13T11:11:00.000-04:00

We celebrated the weekend by having our first family portrait taken. Im so proud of my family, and am truly blessed to have my two men.

OK. So this is how I feel about my first Mothers Day. I want a shirt. I want a shirt that says in big letters "Im a mom! I finally get to be celebrated on Mothers Day!!!!". Maybe it should be in neon letters. Or it should light up or something. I want to advertise to the whole world that Im a mommy now too!

Its just that I have waited so darned long to be a mom. I actually looked forward to this Mothers Day this year. Used to be that I dreaded it. Since my mom has been gone, its been a day that I just tried to stick my head in the sand and pray that it would come and go quickly. Now its different though. Since I have Bryan, I feel that I have gained some closure as far as the pain I feel over not having my mom around anymore. I miss her so much to this day, and would give anything just to feel her hug me again. To once again have that feeling of being so loved, comforted and protected. Safe from everything. Bryan has filled a very big part of that hole in my heart. I feel like now that Im a mom, things have come full circle. Now I have this little being who will always be looking to me for the same things. God how I wish she were here though. When we were in the orphanage with Bryan I thought of my mom. I just thought, "oh mom look! look at him! look at my baby!". Although that hurts alot, I have many wonderful memories and many years of love and laughter that I can look back on now. I can pass all of that on to my son now, as well as focus on making as many special moments for him to have forever too.

Where has our little baby gone?

2007-05-12T20:36:00.000-04:00

Today is Bryans 9 month birthday! We go for his checkup next week. I cant wait to see how much hes grown this time! Its such a neat thing to go and have him measured and weighed, and see how well hes doing. It makes a mom proud. And thank goodness no shots at this visit! WooHoooooo!!!!!!!!!!

These are some of the new things going on with Bryan:

He has two teeth right on the bottom in the middle. If youre a dental nerd like me, that would be teeth"O and P". He loves having those little choppers, and is having fun trying them out on crackers and toast.

And as far as food, hes eating a big variety of stuff now. Scrambled egg yolk, yogurt, meat and fish, beans, wheat toast, as well as tons of fruits and veggies. There isnt anything yet that he has turned his nose up at.

Bryan is enjoying learning to feed himself now too. Hes getting pretty good now, and is managing to get the majority of it in his mouth. The rest lands in his lap, hair, all over his face and in his eyes. He makes such a mess, but its so worth having to clean up afterward. Its a hoot to watch him trying to pick up a piece of banana and get it in his mouth. It makes you realize the motor skills you have to have in order to accomplish such a simple task. Im so proud of every little new thing he does. Its amazing to watch him.

Were still not crawling. Bryan seems content to be dragging himself along on his belly. He is rather quick too. Even moreso if hes on the hardwood floor! Just this past weekend though, he started really sitting up and being much more balanced, as well as getting into a sitting position from his belly. He is doing that like a pro.

He did babble mama like two times a while back, one being two weeks ago. But he says dada all the time. I really think hes starting to realize that George is dada too, which is cool. He says a few other consonant sounds as well. But come on baby, Im dying to hear you call me MAMA loud and clear already!!!!!!!

Bryans likes singing and music. He cracks up when I sing him John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, and Little Bunny FuFu. I love hearing him giggle, so I bounce him around and make faces when I sing, and he just laughs and laughs. I do too. Theres no therapy like this. Nothing can make you feel better than just being silly with a child.

So hows that for gushing about my kid? Believe me, I could go on and on about Bryan. He is just the best baby in the world, and I love telling anyone who will listen all about him. Hes really cute, very smart, and has a great sense of humor (which he'll definately need if he's gonna survive in our house!). Seriously though, I love my son and I am so proud of him all the time.

Happy birthday baby! Mommy loves you!

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary

2007-05-11T19:58:00.000-04:00

I cant believe its been that long already. Seems like just yesterday that George and I were sitting out on the back patio together. We were leaving in the morning to head to NJ for the wedding. That was the same thing. We spent so much time planning the wedding and it seemed so far away, and then bam! Next thing I knew I was shaking and crying my way up to the altar.

By the time we got married, George and I had been through alot of stuff together. Good, bad, and really bad. But no matter what, we were always there for each other. We were each others best friend. Still are. Always will be. And thats the stuff that solid relationships are built on. Its easy to share all the good things together. Thing is that in life, alot of the time it seems like there is more bad than good coming your way. Life is stressful and difficult. Sometimes downright painful. And those are the times when your relationships are truly tested. Thats where it counts. If youre lucky, those times will make your bond stronger than it was before. Many times and many situations dont turn out that way however. People who you thought were sticking with you for the long haul end up bailing out and moving on. It just happens. People move in and out of your life all the time. But hopefully you will eventually find that one special person who is different from all the rest. The one who will stick by you, support you, and love you no matter what. For all time. Thats what I found in George.

The biggest, and by far the most difficult thing for us to deal with as a couple, (and believe me when I say that there have been some real doozies!!!), has been starting a family. What comes so easily to most people, turned into a nightmare for us. Fast forward four and a half years, and here I am typing away while listening to our son snoring away on the baby monitor. For a while there we were thinking that we would never be parents. In a way, I think that our struggles to start a family was a good thing. Granted, I would never want to be there again, and my heart goes out to all of the people who are dealing with it now. But for all that we went through.......all the stress, tears, uncertainty and fear, we came out on the other side much stronger. As a couple and individuals. And we did eventually achieve our goal of becoming mommy and daddy.

It didnt happen as we had thought it would, but I'll tell you something. I wouldnt change a thing now. The journey to Vietnam brought us to Bryan, our beautiful son. George is a great daddy too. He loves his little man with everything he has. Everyday when we get home from work and the babysitter, daddy comes out to the car and gets Bryan out of his carseat. He kisses him and makes him giggle, either by tickling his tummy or tossing him in the air. Bryan gets so excited when he sees George too. They are my two guys, and I love them both more than anything. They fulfill my life in everyway.

To my husband: I love you sweetie. Happy anniversary.

Bryans Easter Picture

2007-04-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

This ones a little late, but hey, Im getting caught up with everything now.
I cant believe how much our little boy is growing up!
Hes looking less like a baby, and more like a little boy everyday!

On our way home

2007-04-15T17:05:00.000-04:00

The last week of our stay was of course the hardest. By this time all of us were getting very antsy, the hotel room was seeming smaller day by day, we had done everything and seen everything we were going to get to during our stay, and we were just plain getting anxious to get home and start our lives. Not to mention that we really wanted to get back to the states and have the babies see their pediatricians, as Bryan and one of the other babies had a nasty skin problem.

The agency had told us that estimated time in country would be two weeks, but be prepared for up to three. Well, we were in Vietnam for a grand total of three weeks. Twenty-one amazing, unforgettable, exhausting, and stressful days. Our cases got hung up at the Embassy for longer than expected, and for a few days were getting scared that we werent even going to get when we did. But after tons of nagging phone calls and trips down to the Embassy in person, we got the call that our long awaited second interview was scheduled. Meaning that all we had to do was go back down to the office at our appointed time and pick up the babys visas. Then we were free to go.

On that day, we packed everything up, said goodbye to the hotel staff who, by this time were like our little family. They helped us alot along the way, and we tried our best to convey our gratitude to them. I still miss sitting in the little dining area on the top floor of the hotel and having my coffee, toast and jelly every morning. The women would take the babies from us so we could relax and enjoy while we ate. And coming in the windows was the music that would start every morning at 5AM while people would gather around the lake for tai-chi. I miss all of that alot now.

We headed to the airport and had to wait three grueling hours with no place to sit and of course no air conditioning (very few places in Vietnam have any) to get checked in for our flight to Hong Kong. While waiting to board our plane, we met a woman who had just adopted her daughter, who was about Bryans age. She was from Maryland and was traveling alone. It was nice to have someone to talk to and compare our experiences. As more people began to crowd around the gate, all of them Asian and speaking little to no English, my mood began to lift a bit more. Everybody wanted to look at the babies of course, and Bryan being the little social butterfly that he is, was smiling at all of them.

At last we boarded, and flew away from Vietnam. Away from the only home Bryan had known so far. Such a bittersweet moment that was. On one hand I was so elated to be bringing my long awaited baby home, but I was also very aware of the fact that at this very moment Bryan was going through one of what I imagine to be one of the biggest losses he will ever experience in his life. One day it will be up to us to explain what happened to him and how we came to be together and be a family. To talk about his birthmother and his country. Right now Bryan is only eight months old, but already Im thinking about what I will say. How I will say it. Its hard because I know that he will have questions that we will not have the answers to. Questions that he may never ever get answers to from anyone. He deserves to have all the answers. To know his whole story. And this is something that hurts me so much.

Back to the plane though. As soon as we set foot on the plane and found our seat, Bryan started to scream. This was a hint of what was to come for the duration of our trip. Bryan was sitting on my lap in the aisle seat, which was pretty good. Two business men were sitting next to us. Now one thing I will mention here. We flew Delta for our domestic flights. For a five hour trip from Raleigh to LA, all they give you is chips and soda. Compared to Cathay Pacific, which we used for all of our other travel. During the flight from Hanoi to Hong Kong, which is only an hour and a half, you get a meal. Cheap a$$ airlines here........ Another glimpse of what was to come was when the food came. For one, I could barely get my tray opened with Bryan sitting on my lap, and then.....try cutting food and getting any of it into your mouth. Yeah, yeah. I know. All the seasoned moms out there are just rolling their eyes at me. But for goodness sakes, I was sitting in an airplane seat in coach!!! Still rolling your eyes? OK fine. All I know is that if it werent for the man sitting next to me helping me out a bit, even offering to put the dressing on my salad for me, I wouldnt have gotten any dinner at all.

Next stop is Hong Kong. When we got off the plane, I have the hardest time figuring out where we had to go next. I saw a woman and asked her where to go for Cathay Pacific. She didnt say anything, but pointed to a line of people. So I got in it. Well, little did I know that it was the immigration line. I started freaking out and telling the man behing the counter that I was in the wrong place. He wasnt listening to me, but rather was just talking and talking to another man in Chinese. He was showing him our passports and everything. What were they saying about us? Im just standing there thinking "Holy crap! Please just give me my papers back and let me find out where to catch my flight to LA!!!". But no. Instead here comes another man, who it turns out, is one of the head immigration officials. By now Im starting to get teary eyed. If I missed my flight back to the states I would just die! I had to get home! The man thankfully spoke English, and I explained him to him that I got into the wrong line and was trying to find my airlines gate to catch my next flight. He makes my go with him to the immigration office, and sit in a chair for what seemed like forever. No one would look at me, never mind tell me what to do, how to get to my plane, give me my passports back, or anything. I must have sat there fifteen or maybe twenty minutes. It felt like an eternity at any rate. Now Im crying. With this baby hanging off of me, and my bags at my feet. Im getting scared that my plane will leave without me. Im not even sure what time my flight is taking off. I tried to catch someones attention because they all were just ignoring us, and they would just tell me to sit back down. Finally, the same man did come back, this time with all of my papers, as well as our boarding passes for our flight. He had gotten us all checked in and ready to go, which was awesome. He pointed in the direction of our gate, and that was it. The race to catch our plane was on. The race to get out of Asia and get back to that states was on!

When I tell you I ran, or rather race walked all the way to Gate 50, I am not exagerating. I mean we were moving fast! I was dripping with sweat from having Bryan hanging off of me. All fifteen pounds of him. Plus having a backpack on, and hauling a laptop. I was so exhausted and felt ready to drop to the ground. I honestly dont know how I didnt fall flat on my face. But I just kept telling myself "No. Keep going. You'll have plenty of time to sit on the plane. You can pee on the plane. You can get a drink on the plane. For now just move it, move it , move it!!!!!! At last there was Gate 50 looming ahead of us like an oasis in the desert. I dont know how far I racewalked, but our gate was all the way at the other end of the airport from the immigration office. And I was right to be booking like I was to get there, because the plane was getting ready to begin boarding already. Whew, we just made it!!! A woman waiting in line to board saw the shape I was in, and offered to carry my bags on the plane and help me get seated. Bless that woman!

So we get on the plane, and find that not only do we NOT have an bulkhead seat with basinett like our travel agent said, but we have ourselves a window seat. I started to cry again. I have to sit in this tight little seat next to two other people for 12 hours??? Bryan is going to have to sit and sleep on my lap for twelve hours? It was hard having him on me for that short flight from Hanoi, but my goodness! ARE YOU F&$ @%* KIDDING ME???? So we sit down in our little seat, and Bryan starts to scream again. Oh boy. And he proceeded to yell until the plane rolled away from the gate. As soon as we were moving he quieted right down. I never had a problem with Bryans ears bothering him with taking off and landing because he pretty much slept through them. Lucky kid though, screaming like that. Hes a baby and can get away with it. Me, I was dying to scream.

Twelve seemingly endless hours later, we hit the ground in LA. This was another monumental moment in our journey because as soon as our plane touched down, Bryan became a US citizen. Boy were things different for this little boy. That was such a cool moment, combined with the fact that we were finally back on US soil, made me forget some of the horrors of the international leg of our trip. Like trying to eat again. Not being able to get up to get a drink of water for hours. Changing Bryans diaper in that nasty bathroom. But alas we were home. This was my goal. Just to get to LA. After that, I said, I dont care what happens. Lose my luggage, miss my flight....... OK, that one would be bad, but still, I was in America so it was all good to me. If I could have gotten on the ground and kissed it, I would have. Oh, there was one, and I mean only one, cool moment on our flight. When the sun came up and we looked out the window, Bryan was mesmerized. He was just staring at the clouds and the wing of the plane for the longest time. So I said "Wow, look at Tinh-Tinh! Hes flying! Tinh-Tinhs flying!!!". And he just smiled so big as we flew through the clouds. That was an awesome moment.

First stop was Immigration. "Line 17", the woman directing traffic told me as I arrived in the terminal. We waited for about thirty minutes in line for our turn, then happily handed over our passports and Bryans paperwork from the US Embassy for processing. In a few minutes we were on our way again. We had to collect our baggage now, and haul all of it with us to the Delta terminal to catch our flight to Raleigh. Now I was on a mission. I knew were Delta was, and took off like a bat out of hell to get us checked in and on our last plane. Turns out that hundreds of other people were also trying to get checked in for flights at the same time, and again I began to worry that I would miss my plane. After some begging and pleading, I got an employee to bump me up to the front of the line so I could move along. Bryan helped there too, starting to fuss in his carrier. By now I think even he was getting sick of all this. So we got checked in, made our way through security, and at last I caught a glimpse of the plane that would take us home. I couldnt believe it, we were really going to make it home!

Someone was smiling down on me by this point I think, because this plane wasnt even half full, compared to having hundreds of people packed like sardines on those international planes. So Bryan and I had a whole row to ourselves. Sweeeeeeeeet. We fell into our seats when..........yup, you guessed it, Bryan starts to scream again. This time he is just relentless too. He is mad. Me too, babe. But my boy is a tough cookie, and he hung in there with me, even taking a nap for about an hour, stretched across the seats. Poor thing hadnt been able to lay down for a nap for so long now. I stuffed myself with chips and whatever other junk the stewardess had to offer, just grateful to be able to have a few minutes to relax and eat something while Bryan slept next to me. It was short lived though, and then he was up and yelling again. He had just had enough now. I took him to the bathroom to change him, and this time he had a wicked diaper blow-out. Just to make things all the more fun. On top of that, I chose the bathroom that didnt have a changing table. Great. So I was balancing Bryan on me, cleaning poop, while he is still screaming at the top of his lungs. About an hour and a half later though, Bryan was quiet. As if he knew that we were there. Preparing to land in Raleigh at last. This trip was so nutty that I didnt even have a minute to call George along the way like I had planned to. I hoped he was there! The anticipation was killing me. We were decending slowly. And as the wheels hit the runway, I felt such a wave of relief. We did it. We were home.

It was so surreal walking through RDU heading for the baggage claim. I passed by the very spot where George and I ate dinner and passed time waiting for our flight to begin boarding for LA three weeks ago. And now here I was walking past the same spot with our baby. I wasnt the same person that was in this airport that other day anymore. Now Im a mother. And were off to find daddy. Silly me to think he wouldnt be there. Of course he was. He spotted me before I ever saw him. I was too busy trying to figure out where to wait for our bags, and trying not to fall over from exhaustion.

We knew we were really home when we saw George and our friends waiting for us. Bryan was reuntied with his daddy, and was meeting his first friend, James, who came to welcome him home. As we were leaving the airport, I was thinking that that was the last I wanted to see of an airport for a long, loooooooong time. I was also so proud of myself at that moment as well. I had gotten the two of us around the world and back home safely. We went out to breakfast with James and his parents, who are great friends of ours, and then took our baby home.

We lay him down in his Snoopy room for the first time, and our sweet son slept. He was home forever.

So Was That Really Long Or What?

I know this part of my blog has been really long, and probably lost a reader or two along the way, but I wanted to try to write as much of the experience as I could remember, in as much detail as possible. Its been five months since we adopted Bryan, and I remember every moment like it was yesterday. I dont think I will ever forget any of it. Its etched in my heart forever. But one day I like to think that Bryan will read my blog, and if he does, I want him to know as many of those details as he can. Not that he really needs to know what a difficult trip it was getting back home, but still. Its the story of how we got home, and the things that happened along the way. I say that I can laugh about it all now, and its true. I got my little boy home in the end, so its all good.

It was an amazing experience adopting Bryan, and I wouldnt change a minute of it. I would do it all over again, exactly the same way, just to have him. He was so worth all of it, start to finish. I was willing to do anything, or go anywhere in the world just to find him, and now that hes here, I would lay down my life for him.

More about the trip, and a little about Hanoi

2007-04-15T08:48:00.000-04:00

Here is a little more of Bryans adoption story first.

We got back to the hotel pretty late and, this was so sweet, but one of the dads from the other travel group staying in our hotel was waiting in the lobby with his camera to take pictures of all of us getting out of the van with the babies. We headed straight up to our rooms, where the hotel staff had a crib in each of our rooms waiting for us. Exhausted, I think everyone just fell into bed and tried to get some sleep. The first few days were a little tough though, what with us all getting into a routine of living in the hotel room with the baby, and the babies getting used to us and their new surroundings. The next day was Thanksgiving. The Vietnamese obviously dont celebrate, but were were going to try to get together to go and get some dinner that night. Pretty early in the day we all decided against it however. Everybody was still pretty beat, and just enjoying spending the day alone getting to know their baby. Who could ask for a better Thanksgiving?

The next morning we all went to apply for the babys passports, which was really easy and quick. After that, the next few days, or probably closer to a week, were spent just hanging out in the hotel, and touring around Hanoi. What an awesome city. Very crazy and hectic. Tons of people and noise, but still a really cool place to visit. Lots of neat little shops selling everything under the sun, beautiful temples, a church that I regret that I didnt get a picture of, restaurants that sell delicious french breads and pastries, and a three story shopping mall. Water puppet shows are very popular in Vietnam, and there was a theatre right down the street from us that again, Im sorry we didnt get to go to. I wanted to do several things that I didnt get to while I was there. I was learning that having a baby and doing things isnt very easy, or is just not possible sometimes!

A view of Ha'noi from our hotel rooftop

Typical streetscene

The traffic in Ha'noi is crazy to say the least. Crossing the street is always an adventure.

We ate some great foods there too, and were happy to find a few comfort foods along the way. Burgers, BLTs, and strangely enough, really good spaghetti and a pizza buffet. There was an elderly woman who would sit on a street corner just about every day with a burlap sack full of some of the best hard rolls we had ever eaten. One of the things we loved the best was ordering dinner in. The hotel staff would call and place our order for us (in Vietnamese to ensure that we were getting the right stuff), and our food would be delivered right to our room. "So what," you say? "Ordering take out to a hotel room is nothing new"? Well, let me ask you this. When your food got to your room, was it on a dinner plate, and did you get real silverware? And did your Coke come to you poured in a glass, rather than just getting a can or bottle? No joke. We were hysterical the first time we answered the knock at the door, and there was the guy from the restaurant holding a tray with steaming hot plates of food. And he also bought salt and pepper, ketchup, hot sauce and everything. Keep in mind that this isnt room service! He carried all of this stuff down the street to our hotel.......on a tray!!!! Way too funny. Needless to say we always gave him a nice tip.

Every Friday through Sunday night there was a big open air market a few blocks away. Basically, the store owners would set up tables outside their stores for several hours in the evening. This was a nice way to spend some time and walk off our dinner before turning in for the night. Also, it was a bit cooler in the evening! We did some shopping, bought a few things for Bryan, some souveniers for family, and a few items for ourselves. Silk shops are everywhere, and I snagged a few cute purses for myself. I went into one shop and a young saleswoman approached me and asked if I wanted to have an article of clothing made for myself. "We make big sizes", she said. WHAT?!?!? Could you imagine saying that to a customer here in the states? First they would cuss you out, then they would turn around and leave. But I just smiled and said "no, thank you". "NO, I dont want you to make something for my big American behind, you little size zero twig!". Its funny though because they honestly dont realize that what they say is insulting to you. So you cant get too upset. In all honesty though, Vietnam has some tiny people. And it isnt hard to feel huge when surrounded by them.

George goes home

Bryan took good care of mommy after daddy went home.

OK. So back to the story. After spending those first fun days together, we got a pretty good scare regarding George heading back home. I dont know if I mentioned that George was planning to leave for home early or not. Its so long in between my posts anymore that sometimes I dont even remember what I wrote. Anyway, before we had even left for Vietnam we asked our agency if George leaving early would be a problem. Reason being he really needed to get back to work, not to mention check on the house, pay the bills and get the mail, and pick up the dog where she was boarded the whole time we were gone. Three weeks is a long time to be away and just let things like that go. They assured us that no, it wasnt a problem for George to leave. So long as he had stayed in country for Bryans adoption ceremony (if both parents are present for this, then the child automatically becomes a citizen upon arrival in the US), after that he wasnt needed any longer to complete the final steps of getting the passport and travel visa.

Well, our in country facilitator was adamant that George needed to stay for the visa interviews. This threw us into a tailspin, and made us question who was making the error here. Could you imagine if he had gotten on a plane home, only to find out that he needed to return? We were really upset, as these are matters were there is no room for error, and everyone involved needs to know what the story is. Turned out that there was no need to worry though. A trip to the Embassy cleared the matter up. And yes, George was free to go. I was fine with him leaving until his ride to the airport arrived. I started to cry as the car pulled away. He was leaving. Leaving me on the other side of the world with a baby. Now I had to take care of the rest of the trip myself. Take care of myself and Bryan, navigate the visa process, and get the both of us home. Yikes! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spent the rest of that day in a funk. Just looking at the time and feeling a knot in my stomach when I realized that George was now on a plane headed for Hong Kong. He was gone. Thank goodness that I had the couple across the hall to keep me company. If it werent for them, I dont know what I would have done. I knew I was really getting desperate and lonely when I would go and sit in the hotel lobby. Mind you, the hotel staff were really sweet, but they spoke very little English. I just needed to get out of the room though. Even if it was to sit with them and watch the Vietnamese TV station they had on, and see the traffic going by outside.

Sure we would go out, but you know, after two weeks everything was starting to get old. It was so freakin' hot outside everyday, and on top of that, theres only so many times you can stand to go windowshopping, run to the supermarket and things like that. It sounds horrible to say, but after a while, going out started getting to be a hassle too. People would see tourists and follow you around trying to get you to buy things from them. I had one woman physically drag me into her shop to show me what she had for sale. Seriously. She pulled me in by the arm. Then another time, I was sitting on a bench by the lake with Bryan looking at some pictures I had just gotten developed when a man started trying to get me to buy something from him. I told him no a few times and still he persisted. Finally I was ready to buy something just to get him to go away, when a man in a uniform came up to us and told me not to buy anything from him. The weird thing was that he wouldnt make the vendor leave me alone. He just stood there watching the guy hound me, and me refusing to buy something. No way that if a man in a uniform tells me not to do something that Im going to do it. So I got up and just started to walk away. I hightailed it back to the hotel where I stayed for the rest of the day. All I wanted was to get some fresh air for myself and the baby, but that incident scared me a bit.

Its unfortunate because I know that these people are just trying to make a few dollars to get by like everyone else, and of course they try to make money off of tourists, but their persistence and aggression on the streets can be quite daunting. Thats not to say that this gave me a different opinion of the Vietnamese. From day one I said it, and I will continue to say, that in Vietnam I met some of the sweetest, warmest, most genuinely kind people I have ever come across. I would return to Vietnam again in a heartbeat. Its a beautiful country with even more beautiful people. One day we will definately go back.

These are a few last pictures from Ha'noi. I took these on one of the days Bryan and I went for a walk after George left. Our hotel was right across the street from Hoan Kiem lake (The Lake of the Restored Sword), and this temple, Ngoc Son temple, was on a little island right in the middle of it.

The Giving and Receiving Ceremony

2007-02-04T12:26:00.000-05:00

So we were in the orphanage. All three couples lined up just as excited as we could be. Next thing to happen is that I see the orphanage director holding a baby in front of all of us. Now, he doesnt speak English, but I hear him say "Tinh". At first I just wasnt sure if I heard him right, so I didnt do anything. Then he said it again......"Tinh". Now I knew he was looking for the couple who this baby belonged to, and so I raised my hand. He was quickly darting over to me, and so I put my arms out like you would to take a little baby from somebody. Like a cradle with your arms. I had to change that position fast though, because he put Tinh over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes or something. Just like of hung him there. And that was it. We said hello to our baby boy.

All we had was a picture of Bryan to look at for months, and now here we were. This very moment is what its all about.

I should backtrack here for a minute and say that as soon as we set foot through the door of the orphanage, my eyes were scanning the room for Bryan. Im sure all the other parents were doing the same thing. And I did pick him out right away. I recognized my little guy right away even though I knew he would look different from the referral picture we had gotten.

After we spent a little time holding the children, it was getting time to leave for the G&R ceremony. We each had brought an outfit for our baby to wear, and so we got them out and gave them to the nannies who were going to dress them for us. As soon as I handed Bryans over there was talk going on. Turns out that the nannies thought that the clothes were too small. My heart sank a bit because I had tried to find a nice outfit that would make a sweet and memorable adoption picture for us. I didnt have anything else to put him in, so the nannies tried to stuff poor Bryan into his plaid Pooh shirt and brown courdory pants. Once again, I give them credit because when they emerged again, Bryan was in the clothes. We should give Bryan a heap of credit here too for being such a patient boy and good sport about wearing his too tight Pooh outfit.

The last part of his ensemble was the all important hat. The agency made sure to advise us all to bring a hat for the babies to wear anytime they are outdoors. Its a cultural thing. No matter if its 40 degrees or 90, baby MUST wear a hat. Sweat could be dripping down his face, but keep that hat on! If you dare go outside without it, be prepared because you will get reprimanded and then some by everyone you pass on the street. Even his hat was a bit too tight! First off, I had a hard time even finding a hat that I thought would be suitable for the trip. Seeing as it was November here, everything was heavy winter hats. Baseball caps? No luck. Then in Baby Gap, I found a cute denim brimmed hat. It wouldnt have been my first choice, but since it was the only thing I had come across that remotely fit what I was looking for, I grabbed it. I guess I underestimated how big our little man would be, because the hat didnt fit much better than the clothes. I kept saying to George that one day Bryan was going to look at his G&R pictures and make comments about what he was wearing. Sorry babe. Mom tried.

When it was time to go, we all packed into the van with babies in tow, and drove about 20mins to the Department of Justice. Inside was a table shaped like a horseshoe with chairs surrounding it. at the front of the room was a large sign that said Adopted Child Referral and Acceptance Ceremony. We all sat around the table and were given tea to drink while everyone at the front of the room got their paperwork set up. Before we were seated, three of the nannies who had come from the orphanage took the babies and sat with them at the back of the room. One by one, our cases were called. First was Bens turn. We took pictures for them as they moved to the front of the room and officially became a family. Then it was time for Lana and her parents. Lastly, it was time for us. George and I walked to the front of the room as some general information about our case was read aloud. George sat at the table first and signed the paperwork, then I did the same, making Bryan officially our son. After that, the woman handed us our adoption paper and one of the familes took our picture. While we were doing that, the nanny holding Bryan had brought him up to the orphanage director. He then walked over to us, and handed that precious child over to us forever. That was it. It was a done deal, and were were a forver family. Very few things in life could compare with how we felt, the sheer joy, on that day.

The Giving and Receiving Ceremony
Bryan is officially our son!
The man standing on the left is the orphanage director, and the man and woman on the right were our agency facilitators, who helped us navigate the entire process while we were in Vietnam.

From there, we walked across the street to a restaurant, and had a big lunch. There were so many of us. It was us and the other two families, the orphanage director and the three nannies, our two translators, and two guys who were doing the driving. At lunch we were served something that they said is a specialty of Tuyen Quang. It was sticky rice rolled into cylinder shapes and wrapped in what I thought I heard was a bamboo leaf. You take it and dip it in a mixture of sugar and peanuts. It was outrageous. Also during lunch, we all drank to celebrate. None of us were used to drinking hard liquor at noon, but saying no didnt seem like an option. I tried, and still a glass appeared in front of me. We thought it was a little odd that we had just adopted these infants, and here the director was offering us shots, but I guess people in different parts of the world just do and see things differently. After we were nice and full and had sometime just to sit and relax, we headed back to the orphanage again.

We spent a little more time visiting, and then the nannies took the babies one more time. This time they were preparing them for the long ride to Hanoi. They fed and changed them, and gave them a sponge bath. Bryan also got put in a pair of pants that actually fit him too. Im sure the nannies could wait to get a hold of him and get him out of those pants once we returned. Then it was time for goodbye. This was really hard for all of us. Such a bittersweet time for everyone involved. The women cried as they were saying farewell to the children. Although there were many tears, they also smiled. They were happy for the babies. Not one of us got back into that van with a dry eye. That day and the people in that orphanage would be a part of our hearts forever.

The Day We Became A Family

2006-12-27T07:53:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday Nov 22 at 6:30am we were anxiously sitting in the hotel lobby with the other couple waiting for our facilitator to pick us up. Couple No 3 were already in the van, and just as jittery and excited as we all were to finally be heading to Tuyen Quang Province to meet our children. Tuyen Quang is approx 100km NW of Hanoi. Fairly close to the borders of Laos and China. The ride was somewhere between 3-4hrs through some very remote parts of the country. Lots of lovely countryside surrounded by mountains.

All of a sudden the van turned off of the pavement, and we were on a long dirt road with nothing on either side but heavy trees. We had made it! Our first stop was at the orphanage directors office for a brief meeting with him. While there he gave us a warm welcome and then told us (through a translator) a little about the orphanage and the children residing there. He then said that it was time for us to head down the road to the area where the children were.

We walked down the road and though the gates to the Tuyen Quang Social Welfare Center. The orpnanage grounds had 3 buildings that we could see, that were in a horshoe shape with the main entrance at the other end. In the middle of all the buildings were benches and trees with a small garden area. I dont know what I was expecting. Yeah, I do. I was expecting to see a run down, dirty building with lots of crying children. I was expecing to feel my heart sink for these children. But what I saw was what looked like a fairly new building with lots of opened windows. It was pale yellow with green shutters, and looked quite nice. Inside to our left was a bassinet with 5 or 6 newborn babies all in a row sleeping bundled up in hats and blankets. Then on the far wall, was a long row with a sort of wooden platform covered with rattan mats and blankets. This was were the rest of the babies lay. All of them in a row. The director said that there were 29 babies currently living at Tuyen Quang. All of them looked clean, well fed, and calm. Moving around them constantly were their nannies. They took care to pick up whoever started crying, feed whoever was hungry, or sit in the corner singing to whoever needed comforting. My heart did hurt for these babies, but it was filled with warmth as well. For these nannies, these angels in their blue uniforms, were working tirelessley to give everyone of them as much love as they could. They were giving these babies the best start in life that they possibly could. And it showed in each one of them, Bryan included. If you had met Bryan in Vietnam, you would have found him to be very happy, smily, giggly, calm and peaceful. Just a beautiful happy baby. We have the people of Tuyen Quang to thank for that, and we did thank them profusely for everything they had done for our children.

The entrance to Tuyen Quang Social Welfare Center

This is where we met our son for the first time

Going to that orphanage was such an amazing experience. It just goes to show that it isnt how many things you have in life, but how much love you have in your heart and how much of it you share with others. The conditions Bryan lived in were very sparse, but it was made up for tenfold in love.

Finally getting a chance to post something!!!

2006-12-26T21:08:00.000-05:00

Its going to take me a while to get everything updated and add some pictures, but I'm going to try to work on this as much as I can (with a baby!!!).

To sum up......we left for Hanoi on Nov 15 and arrived Nov 17. We met our son and had our Giving and Receiving Ceremony on Nov 22. Bryan and I arrived back in the US (I wanted to kiss the ground so bad!)on Dec 9.

Since then its just been a whirlwind of activity here. Bottles, diapers, naps, playtime and giggles. Baths and songs. Its amazing how both George and I adjusted so easily into our new lives. Its like hes always been here with us. Granted, being mommy and daddy is alot of work and we're both really beat, but seeing Bryans gummy little smile, hearing his belly laugh, and feeling his breath on your cheek as he sleeps on your chest.......its magical. Beautiful. Bryan is the best thing that has ever happened to us. He has changed our lives.

OK, here we go.........

For anyone who remembers, our trip had to be rescheduled due to APEC since no adoptions were being done while that was going on in Hanoi. So we wound up getting to Vietnam four days before we actually had to be there. To our surprise (and great relief), staying in our hotel were three other families from our agency who already had their babies and were navigating the Embassy process for their visas. They gave us so much great advice and showed us around the city. Turns out that one of the couples lives less than an hour from us! Anyway, since we got to Hanoi so early, we took the opportunity to go on a tour of Halong Bay, which was amazing. Anyone who has the chance to do it while in Vietnam, its a great way to spend a day. It was a four hour boat ride not only seeing the islands, but we stopped at a market on the water, took a tour of some of the caves, and has a big seafood lunch on the boat. But I will mention, that from were we were in Hanoi, it was a three hour bus ride to and from the bay. I wouldnt have done it with the baby. But if you have time to kill before G&R day, go for it!

Lets see.....so we got to Hanoi on Friday and we took the trip on Sunday.

On Monday, the another couple in our travel group arrived from Wisconsin. There was one more couple in our group as well but they stayed at another hotel. All of us were so excited because Tues was to be the day we were heading to the orphanage. Unfortunatley later that day we got a call from our facilitator telling us that the orphanage director had a meeting on Tues, meaning we couldnt go to Tuyen Quang until Wed. We tried to hold onto our stiff upper lips, and did some shopping to keep busy to make the extra day pass quickly. We were really sore about this since all of us were still coming off of the aggravation of having to reschedule all of our flights and everything else due to APEC. Even though you've made it and are finally in country, still........very few things are within your control. Our story will tell more about that later.

A few pics of Bryan at the hotel

And one with Santa

Hanoi Or Bust!

2006-11-15T12:26:00.000-05:00

This is it, the moment its all been about. Its 12:20 now and we're just getting back to the house after running a few errands and dropping the animals off. I got the short end of the stick and had to make the hour long trek out to my brothers this morning to drop off the cats. And true to herself, Melissa got carsick as usual. Although this time she truly outdid herself. I had to stop on the road twice to clean out her carrier! Sorry if anyones squeamish, but she was so bad that it was coming out both ends! And just for added measure, she screamed the whole way. All I kept thinking was "I can be a mom, I can be a mom, I can clean this mess up and Im not going to lose it myself. I can listen to this incessant screaming and still drive the car. I can do this." Maybe she was doing it to test me? Thinking "alright, you wanna be a mom? Lets see if you can handle this!" If you knew Melissa, you could definately see this as being true.

So everyone, wish us luck! We'll try to keep the updates coming, and maybe even get to post a few pics!

Our Last Night At Home!

2006-11-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

So this is it. My last night in my house! The next night I spend here I'll be Bryans mom, and I'll be sitting with him in his Snoopy room. Diapers, bottles, middle of the night feedings. Im so ready for it. My arms just hurt to hold him now. I just want to hug him and kiss him and tell him that I love him and I'll always take care of him and be there for him. That I'll never leave him.

Tomorrow we just have to drop off the dog and the cats at their respective babysitters, tie up any loose ends that are left, and thats about it. Were planning to arrive at the airport at about 4PM for our 7PM flight to LAX.

Wonder if I'll sleep tonight......

Only Fourty-Five Hours To Go.......

2006-11-13T22:19:00.001-05:00

until we take off for LA!!! But whos counting, right? Thankfully today came and went much easier than yesterday! Did a few last minute things this morning and went out to lunch with my buds from work. Then tonight George and I packed up the last of our stuff. I hope we packed ok since its pretty hot in Hanoi right now. Its in the 80s during the day and Im sure the humidity is up there.

Oh and we finally decided on a first name for the baby! We are naming him Bryan Tinh. He almost was a Kevin, but I think Bryan suits him better. I love it, and I love him. Even though I havent even held him yet, I love him crazy. All of his little things are packed in his suitcase. Little socks, bottles and diapers, a few toys, a cute little Pooh outfit for the Giving and Receiving ceremony, and the blanket I made for him.

Let The Countdown Begin!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-12T17:02:00.000-05:00

In three days at this time, about 5PM, we will just be arriving at the airport to begin the first leg of our trip. Today I must say was a long and boring day. Yesterday I decorated the house for Christmas (everything but the tree), so we're pretty far ahead of the game at this point. Im always the first one to point out those neurotic people who have their houses decorated this early. Well hey, the stores here were putting out the Holiday stuff right next to the Halloween displays. Thats one of the things that really gets me peeved. I love the fall. Its my favorite time of year, and its short enough without everyone starting the Christmas music (hello.........anyone at work reading this??? You know who you are!!!), and putting up the lights, ect before the season offically starts. Nobody needs to be singing Rockin' Round The Christmas Tree during the first freakin' week of November! Hey, all you University Dental people, this means you!!! Now that I'm gone, ya'll can crank that junk up and Ho-Ho-Ho all you want!

Oooooops. Better get back to the point. So this year due to the fact that I will be in Hanoi enjoying my son on Black Friday, which has always been my ritualistic bust out the Christmas decorations day, I found myself putting everything out yesterday. In 80 degree heat and with shorts on, yes, Chris was outside hanging garland and bows on the house. Should have taken a picture because that will never happen again in my lifetime! There will be no Christmas stocking hung before Turkey Day. Still in all, its one less thing I'll have to deal with upon arriving home. I dont want to have anything to do except settle in with George and Tinh.

So that was yesterday. Today I didnt do anything. Seriously, there isnt anything left. The only thing I did, and it was primarily out of sheer boredom, was take a bath. Im not much of a bath girl at all, but for some reason I felt the need to do it today. So I got out the tub pillow, and a Vogue magazine I had lying around, and soaked for a bit. I think theres just something about knowing in the back of your mind that your days are numbered and that little luxuries.....little snatches of me time like that will be a thing of the past, so you do them even though it isnt something you cared much for to begin with. Weird.

Thankfully, I do have a few errands, although small, to do tomorrow. So being out of the house for a part of the day will make it zip on by. Cant take three more days of just hanging around like this. Thats for sure.

There really isnt anything to do now. Nothing but wait............

Catching up, Part Deux

2006-11-11T11:10:00.000-05:00

So as it stands right now, our rescheduled travel dates have us leaving Wednesday Nov 15th and arriving in Hanoi on Friday Nov17th. We could have left a few days later, seeing as we dont have to be there until the 20th, but all the flights were booked. At this point I dont care when I leave. Just get me there! My heart went into big time panic mode when we learned from our travel agent that flights for this timeframe were really hard to find. For about a day there I thought we may not be able to get to Vietnam on time! Talk about stress........and fear! But much to our relief, Todd did a great job and managed to get us our tickets.

Since were going to get to Vietnam three days early, our program coordinator suggested that we take a trip to Halong Bay to see the sights. I looked it up and it really looks amazing. So we'll probably do that when we get there. We would love to get to see as much of the country as we can, so I think that the flights getting messed up really worked in our favor. We'll get to have a mini vacation, or a five year anniversary celebration a little early. Still hurts that we missed a week with Tinh though, but little baby, we're getting there as fast as we can!

I think we're just about all set to go now. Everything we had to rearrange has been done, and our bags are just about packed.

Our house is ready for a baby!!! Hurry up and get here Wednesday!

Halong Bay or Bay of Descending Dragons

Local legend says that long ago when the Vietnamese were fighting Chinese invaders, the gods sent a family of dragons to help defend the land. This family of dragons descended upon what is now Ha Long Bay (hence the name "Bay of Descending Dragons") and began spitting out jewels and jade. These jewels turned into the islands and islets dotting the bay, linking together to form barriers against the invaders. The people kept their land safe and formed what later became the country of Vietnam

So Much Catching Up To Do!

2006-11-08T18:41:00.000-05:00

Wow has it been a long time in between posts! Not good. This is the time when everything is happening and I should be documenting every minute, but all the preparation for the trip has been keeping me really busy. Busy is always good though. So anyway, whats been going on???

Trying to think back to the beginning........

OK, well, we finished the nursery, and then on Oct 26th my friends at work threw us a baby shower. I was so surprised at how many people came, and how much love and support everyone had to send our way. Not to mention all the great gifts that Tinh got too. After all, they are gifts for the baby. And it was great that Tinhs Grandpa, Uncle Doug and Aunt Courtney, and his cousin Ashley came too. It was amazing to be the one sitting in the chair with balloons having everyone celebrate us and our new family. The family we waited so long for. Thanks everyone for leaving us with wonderful memories of such a special time.

Then after that, well, we were suppossed to be leaving for Vietnam on the 10th. So we were in full swing with packing, and all the down to the wire things that have to be done before leaving home for a while. Not to mention bringing a baby back home with you. We had gotten our travel visas, had our flights booked, plans for Dyna to be boarded at the vets office, Doug taking the cats, George freed up his work schedule, and I had my last day of work planned for Nov 9th, the day before we were to leave.
Our travel itinerary had us leaving NC on the 10th and heading to LA. From there we were to fly to Hong Kong, and then into Hanoi on the 12th. Total time in the air 22hrs.

Here comes the bomb.........

Everything was going so smooth. I guess I should have thought it was going too smooth, but hey, I've been on a cloud for so long now, and so busy that one day is just running full steam into the next. So I didnt see the bump in the road coming. It happened on Nov 3. One week until we were to leave. I was at Doug and Courtneys house with my dad having, of all things, my goodbye and good luck dinner with them. When all of a sudden George calls. Imagine our shock to find that our trip had been postponed for another week. Another week? You might as well make it a month because thats just what its gonna feel like. Are you kidding? We've been waiting and waiting, and now you tell us we have to wait AGAIN?!?!? No way.

Well, just like that all the wind went right out of my sails. This is the thing about international adoption though. Things can change at a moments notice. Sometimes it will be for the better and sometimes not. But all you can do is try to keep a stiff upper lip and your chin in the air, and try to roll with things as they come your way. You have to expect that these things will happen.

The APEC SUMMIT.......

We had known that it was being held in Hanoi weeks ago. All the hotels are booked because of it, which didnt leave much choice for us as to where to stay when we were making our travel arrangements. What no one seemed to realize, was that everything governmental is shutting down during the time that the Summit is going on. So what this meant for us was that no adoptions were being done at all between the 15th and 20th of Nov. So the agency said that we can still fly to Vietnam on the 10th, but we will be hanging around for a whole week with nothing to do. Not a bad idea if we could have swung it. I would have been heading out on Friday in a heartbeat if we could have just to be where Tinh is. But that just isnt possible unfortunately.

Heres a little snip of what the APEC SUMMIT is about.........

The upcoming APEC Summit will be held in Ha Noi, Vietnam in the fall of this year. As APEC 2006 host, Vietnam has selected the following theme to guide discussions throughout the year: "Towards a Dynamic Community for Sustainable Development and Prosperity."

The Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) is the only trans-Pacific forum dedicated to intergovernmental economic cooperation. APEC members account for 57% of world GDP, 45% of world population and 50% of world trade.

APEC's year-round activities culminate in an annual APEC Summit where Leaders adopt a vision statement aimed at achieving stability, security and prosperity for all people of the Asia-Pacific region.

This year, in Hanoi, Vietnam, Ministers will gather for the Annual Ministerial Meeting on 15-16 November. APEC 2006 meetings will then conclude with the APEC Leaders Summit, to be held on 18-19 November.

Tinhs room is DONE!

2006-10-29T05:47:00.000-05:00

Whew! What a project. All I can say Tinh, is that mommy and daddy worked really hard to try to build you a perfect nursery. We want your new home to be a perfect as it can be, and we hope you like it. One thing I have to tell you though. You know the white part of the walls? Well, even if you decide you hate it when youre older? Sweetie, please dont tell daddy that you hate it and want him to take it down because I think you'll make him cry or something. Just smile, tell him its great, and make a note to yourself that your house wont have that stuff in it, ok? But seriously though, we had fun building a room for our sweet baby, and now we just cant wait to see you in it!

We had a baby shower!

2006-10-29T05:41:00.000-05:00

This past thursday night the wonderful and very sweet ladies that I work with threw us a baby shower. I just couldnt believe that everyone was there helping us celebrating Tinhs arrival! Our baby!!!!!!!!! Its like a dream. So long we waited for these moments to come. For a long while there, it seemed like it would never happen, but now here it is.

We're so fortunate to have such good friends and family. Thanks to you all for everything. We couldnt have done this without your love and support.

Tinh is 2 months old today

2006-10-13T18:59:00.000-04:00

I took a package to the post office today that is going to the orphanage that Tinh is in. It wasnt much. Just a few bottles of medicine, some coloring books and crayons, and a couple bags of candy for the kids. I did include a camera with Tinhs name on it however, and a note. I dont know if anyone will be able to read English, but I thought it was worth trying to get some picures of Tinhs time in the orphanage for him to have. So fingers crossed first of all that the box actually gets to the orphanage, and second, that the women there will be kind enough to take some pictures, and then save the camera for us.

So here are some fun facts about Tinh

August 13 makes him a Leo

The Leo possesses grace, dignity and an expansive personality. The lion is king of the animal kingdom, and an appropriate symbol for Leo who tends to dominate his environment. Ambitious, courageous, strong willed, positive, independent, self-confident are all words that describe the Leo traits.

Leos were born to lead, and are most effective when in a position of command. Leos are straightforward and uncomplicated individuals who know what they want and pursue it with enthusiasm and a creative spirit.

They are not easily daunted, and will persist through the most formidable of circumstances.They tend to be stubborn, and will hold onto a belief, or stick to a course of action through thick or thin.

Leos walks forward always, head held proudly and face turned towards the sun.

For many cultures, the symbol of a lion serves as a guardian. Lion figures stand fast against darkness and evil intent in the doorways of palaces, temples, and in the rituals of the Chinese New Year.

Tinhs Vietnamese Zodiac sign is the dog

Dogs are honest,straightforward,and friendly. They are extremely protective of themselves and their loved ones. With a passion for fair play and justice, they never fail to rescue you time after time. They may rant and rave, but they never rest until they right the wrong. They are true humanitarians and suffer with the world.In spite of their concern for others,social graces and fancy parties do not impress them. Having sharp eyes, they will see through people's motives. They are quite private about their personal lives and someone prying into their affairs make them secretive and withdrawn. Once you gain their confidence, they open up freely.

Once Dogs classify you, they rarely change their minds. There are few in-betweens. Dogs perceive things either in black or white. You are either friend or enemy. Luckily, they are good judges of character and have superb insight into human nature. Dogs are tolerant of their friends. Before they approve of you, the friendship must develop slowly with a variety of meetings and conversations. If they look you over and decide they can trust you, you remain in their hearts forever. If you need them, Dogs will be there.

When the time is right, Dogs work long and hard, but they know how to relax, and enjoy their home and loved ones. The Dogs have playful moods and a great sense of humor. They have quick emotions and if you offend them, they will snarl and insult you with expertise. They forgive with the same speed. Dogs are intelligent and well-balanced. With their stable minds, they make good counselors or psychologists. They endure during any crisis situation. They are trustworthy people and know how to keep a secret. Being efficient and very diplomatic, they can hide their prejudices well. Most Dogs have a comfortable home and do well.Dogs always defend what is theirs and have a high sense of value. Home and family come first,and Dogs will work to see that they have the best!

Famous people who share Tinhs birthday

Alfred Hitchcock(1899), Fidel Castro(1927), Don Ho(1930)

August Birthstone is Peridot

According to folklore, the peridot will bring its wearer success, peace, and good luck.

August Flower is Gladiolus

Today our whole lives have changed

2006-09-22T14:34:00.000-04:00

We have a son at last! His name is Pham Van Tinh, born August 13, 2006. I cant even describe how Im feeling right now. Its like everything looks different suddenly. To know that waiting on the other side of the world is a little baby. Waiting for us to come and bring him home. I love him already and I havent even seen his little face yet. This is what I have waited my whole life for. To be a mother. Little Tinh, I promise that I am going to try to be the best mother I can be for you.

Im shaking so bad that is hard to type! The agency called about an hour ago and since then I've been calling our friends and family spreading the good news around. One George gets home, we'll open the email together and see our childs face for the first time!!!!

This is the happiest day of my life. It will only be topped by having Tinh in our arms someday soon.

Seeing him for the first time
First off let me tell you just how in love I am with this little boy. I cant stop looking at his pic and thinking that hes waiting for his mom and dad. Waiting for US!

We sat down last night to open the email together and it was incredible just seeing this perfect little face! How sweet and so innocent. I had tears in my eyes, was shaking, and my heart was pounding.

This is what we have been waiting for for so many long years. All the pain. The tears and feelings of hopelessness. I've never felt so calm and at peace as I do now. All of a sudden the whole world looks different. It has a whole new meaning. Our lives have changed.

I spent a few hours yesterday calling family and friends, and sending emails spreading our happy news around. Didnt sleep much last night at all, but Tinh was the last thing I thought about before drifting off, and the first thing again this morning. For a minute I thought it might have been a dream. I had to get up and open the email again to see him. But yeah, its for real. We've found our son.

Making Room For Baby

2006-09-02T07:35:00.000-04:00

Last week we started working on the babys nursery! We hadnt been able to start because George was waiting to get the attic finished off so he could move his office up there. Well, since panic mode began to set in since were officially waiting for a phone call now, George decided just to empty out the office, cram everything into another room for now, and start getting everything prepared.

The little rocking chair was Georges when he was little.

Mommys been having a really good time shopping!

What a week its been! So the drywall guy was here Mon-Wed and got the sheetrock finished. Last weekend I painted. Wait a minute. Lets just start from the beginning. It'll be more fun that way since we did have a few misadventures.

Last Friday night: Picked out a really cool blue paint and started to get everything laid out so I could start bright and early Saturday morning. Was so excited that I decided to get everything taped off too. Was taping the ceiling and lost my footing getting off the chair I was standing on, and fell hard on my ankle! Ankle was actually swelling before my eyes. OUCH!!! Called it a night.

Saturday morning: Ankle is nice and swollen and has turned a few different colors. No time to worry about that though. I have a nursery to paint!!! While I was rolling away, George was outside cutting the wainscoating and chairrail for the bottom half of the walls. Things were going great until, while George was putting up the wainscoat with his nailgun, and all of a sudden he drives one into the wall and we hear this hissing noise coming from inside. Oh boy...........this cant be good. So here we go. George pulls the wainscoat back off and cuts a small hole in my freshly painted blue wall. And there is the source of the noise. A pipe with a nice hole in it. So now he makes the hole even bigger to see the extent of the damage. Turns out luckily that is was just for the A/C and nothing really serious. Still in all, we had no A/C upstairs after that. Called the A/C repair man and left a message.

Everything is going to be perfect for his little boy.

What the *#($&% is that noise?

Sunday: Painted some more and got the blinds put up. Its really starting to look nice! So long as you look past the huge hole in the wall.

Monday-Wednesday: Hooray! At last the drywall guy came and got the attic all finished and ready for paint. The A/C guy came too and fixed the pipe. His input??? "Dont do that again." Drywall guy fixed the hole in the wall too so I could paint it. Again.

Thursday: Way too tired to do anything. Ankle still swollen too.

Friday: We both painted all day long. Me in the nursery working on the wainscoat, and George in the attic painting his new office.

It was a crazy, busy week! But both rooms are looking great! And I cant stop peeking in the nursery. Im so happy with the way its coming out. It looks like a little boys room. Today Im going to pick up my rocking chair so I can stain it this weekend.

Were Dossier To Vietnam!!!

2006-08-25T13:26:00.000-04:00

We made it finally! This morning I hand delivered our dossier to the agency. I sat with the program coordinator while she reviewed all the documents to make sure everything was in order, which thankfully, it was. Whew!!!! I wanted to start biting my nails while she looked every sheet over. But she said it looked great, and that it will be sent off to Vietnam TODAY! It was all I could do not to start jumping up and down in the office.

So now it takes a few days to make it overseas, where it will be translated, and then its just a matter of waiting for our referral. Waiting for the phone to ring! This is really happening for us, and soon too! The agency said it will take a couple months to receive our referral, then we travel a couple more after that.

Although he probably wont make it home for the holidays, it will be the best birthday and Christmas present for both me and daddy when we get to see our babys face for the first time.

Its back already!!!

2006-08-24T20:05:00.000-04:00

What a cool surprise! I really didnt expect it until next week, but there it was when I got home from work. A huge FedEx envelope full of forms with all kinds of official stamps, signatures and seals. Man, what a pile of papers! I made a joke once that my stack of documents was going to weigh more than the baby, and it looks like it could be a close call! Ok.......maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure is alot!

So the plan now is to make two photocopies of everything, one for us and one for the agency, then stop to get the bank check in the morning, and then hand deliver our dossier our program coordinator. Sooooo exciting!!!!!

Oh wow, I cant believe its really getting here! This is going to happen!!!

Baby Names

2006-08-17T20:41:00.000-04:00

My coworkers spent an entire week writing baby names on the board in the staff room. Most of them I vetoed for being too boring, wacky, or just plain cruel. Sorry, but names like Cletus are out! We really haven't spent much time discussing names yet, and if I know us, we'll probably be bouncing them back and forth on the plane ride to Vietnam. Then again, if I know us, we'll be doing the same all the way back home. The only one we kind of agreed on so far was Kevin, but we'll see.

Our Dossier is Off To DC!

2006-08-04T18:23:00.000-04:00

Today I got the last of our documents authenticated by the Secretary of State, and then I took everything straight to the FexEx drop off. I must have checked and rechecked that envelope about ten times to make sure everything was there and I wasnt forgetting anything. I have kept those papers so close to me for so long now, that handing them over to some stranger was really tough! I actually thought for a minute that I could deliver them to DC myself. Im crazy enough to do it too, believe me! These days I have been so desperate to have something, anything, happen that it wouldnt have phased me in the least to hop on I-95 and head up to the Embassy.

But Im trying to keep my nuttiness in check as much as possible, so I reluctantly handed my stack of documents over to the kid standing behind the counter at Kinkos. Then I walk out of the store and Im thinking that my papers will be on a plane! My precious papers! My homestudy, and my 171-H!!! My medical clearances that I had to have our doctor redo three times are on that plane! What if something happens to the plane? What if they get lost somehow? What will I do then?!?!?

Completing paperwork and tracking down legal documents has been a regular part of my routine since what.......back in the fall sometime? And now, right now, I can say that I have no paperwork to do. And it feels weird, although Im so relieved because Im exhausted! This last part of getting the dossier together was tough for me. Probably because we wasted three whole months with the first agency, so when it got time to do the dossier, I couldnt get things together fast enough. I know I bring on some of my own stress, but I just cant help it right now. Im to the point where I just want this paperchase to be over once and for all, and I just want to hold my baby.

But I can really see that were getting close now because there really isnt much more to do on our end. The last thing when everything gets back here will be just checking to make sure all the documents got stamped properly, then sending it all to the agency. I think thats about it!

Then the real wait starts.......

Dear Birthmom

2006-07-09T14:37:00.000-04:00

I dont think she'll ever see it, but........

You dont know me, but Im the woman who will be adopting your baby boy. I have been thinking about you alot lately. Im sure you havent given birth to him yet, but more and more Im finding myself wondering about you. How do you feel? Are you lonely, scared, hurt? Is your heart breaking because you will not be able to keep your baby with you? Are you excited about the prospect of him having a better life in another country, or are you just sad because you have to let him go. Probably both I guess.

I can only try to imagine what you must be going through, and how much your heart will break when you hand him over for the last time. When you see him for the last time. What a strong and courageous woman you are. Much more so than I will ever be. I admire you.

If it gives you any peace of mind at all, I want you to know that I will take the very best care of your son that I can all of his life. I'll make sure he feels safe and loved, that he gets a good education and learns respect and compassion for other people. I'll take care of him when he's sick, and try to make him laugh when he gets scared. I'll teach him things, and he will teach me too. I'll do my very best to make sure he knows everything I can tell him about where he came from in Vietnam. And of course I'll make sure that he knows whatever information I have about you. We will talk about you always. About how you loved him so much that you chose for him the chance for a better life than he could have in Vietnam. He will know that you didnt give him away, or abandon him because you didnt love him or didnt care. You did the very best you could for him. You will never forget him, the same as he will never forget you.

I also just want to say thank you to you. Motherhood and having a family has always been my dream, and thanks to you, that dream is coming true. You have given me the most precious gift in the world. It just makes me sad that my joy has to come as such a great price to you. As I rejoice over my new child, you will cry over the loss of yours.

My goal in writing this letter was to try to reassure you that your baby is going to a warm, loving family. I know you will always wonder and worry about what happened to him, but I hope that by reading this letter, you will be able to rest a little easier knowing that your son is being well taken care of. We will try our very best to make sure he stays happy and healthy, and above all else, knows he is loved not only by one family, but by two. One in America, and one on the other side of the world in Vietnam.

Chris

One Step Forward And Two Steps Back

2006-07-08T21:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I faxed the documents that I completed (or thought I did. Yup, you know whats coming next!) to the agency for review before I take them to the Secretary of State for authentication. Turns out that there are problems with two of them, and they have to be redone from scratch. I just couldnt believe it when I read the email. I was so sure everything was done right! Well, actually one thing isnt my fault for not catching it. The agency wants a different notary format on that one.

I tell you I wanted to cry. Still do. But Im sucking it up. Nothing I can do except call the offices where the new documents need to come from and just grovel a little more for their prompt help. Generally people are good about helping out. After all, its for an adoption. So we can bring our little one home!!! Anyone who has a heart is happy to help out. Still, its painful having to go back again after you already did something once, and hurts even more that I failed to get everything together right the first time.

But on the flip side, the shutdown in good ole New Jersey is over, so my certificates should be in someones hands this coming week being authenticated. I hope anyway. Who knows what my untouched envelope could be buried under by this point! How crazy this all is! I thought that my NC documents were all in order and that I would just be waiting on NJ to get their butts in gear. Now it looks like NJ may pull out ahead while Im still messing with the NC stuff fixing these blunders.

Im always complaining, huh? I hate for my blog to be all about me whining and crying. But sometimes this adoption process is really hard and frustrating! Im always happy and so very excited, but I just get really down too. I just want my baby home already. You just start to burn out after a while with all the paperwork, and right now I am tired. But I'll never give up. Cant until my babe is here sitting on my lap while Im typing. So if it seems like Im always unhappy, its not true. This is the happiest I have ever been, and I know that when its all over and were all settled in here, I'll start to look back on the experience fondly. But for now, not so much.

On The Lighter Side of Things

2006-07-04T13:09:00.000-04:00

This is a blanket that I made for the baby. Its my first crochet attempt, so Im pretty proud of myself. I wanted to make something for him, and thought that I would try to make a blanket to bring him home from Vietnam. Its not very big at all, just nice wrap him up in, or to throw over a carseat. I debated making it bigger, but since I want to take it when we travel it made more sense to keep it smaller.

Where are my documents???

2006-07-04T12:35:00.000-04:00

So just when I think things are really rolling along nicely.......WHAM!!!! Something else happens. I was so pleasantly surprised when our new birth/marriage certificates from NJ got here really quickly. And being the crazy person that I am, trying to get this dossier completed in record time, I had them right back in the mail the next day, heading back up to Jersey to the Secretary of State for authentication. According to the website, it says it only takes five working days to get the papers on their way back to us. Excellent!!!

Yeah well, problem now is this little thing going on in Jersey with the budget deficit.......blah, blah, blah. Bottom line being, all state employees except for those who are absolutely necessary, are not working until this issue is resolved. Im quite sure this means the notary department in Trenton too. So what should've taken five days? Who knows now??? Wonderful.

So I assume that my envelope is just sitting in what I envision as being this huge heap of unattended to, mail. My papers that I need to get processed so I can get my little guy home! And were stuck in the middle of this disaster over a proposed tax hike!

Oh, please get this resolved quickly!!!

What is an Adoptive Mother?

2006-06-24T11:51:00.000-04:00

Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation for the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made. Choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch-by-touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family. Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.

Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds. Not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.

Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history. She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.

She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.

She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into the tapestry of a new family. With many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.

Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. Secure in knowing she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.

This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own. But this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.

By Carrie Craft

Working On Our Dossier

2006-06-15T21:46:00.000-04:00

OK, so this Monday the agency emailed us the dossier instructions. I dont know whether I was being naive, or just plain stupid, but I had no idea of what we were going to have to do for this. Here I was thinking that ok.....we have all the papers we need (which I mentioned in my last post I think). So all we have to do is round them all up, stuff them in an envelope for the agency, of course sign a few papers, and then other than the certification/authentication, (which I didnt realize what there was to that!), we would be dossier to Vietnam.

Well, what an idiot I was. I really thought we were over the worst of it. That after the 171-H, everything else is downhill. In a sense I guess since after you get that, you are officially approved to adopt. But if you think youre done with paperwork, you are wrong, wrong, WRONG! I actually started to cry for a few minutes thinking to myself, "Im sorry my poor baby. Sorry your mom couldnt come and get you and bring you home. Because she was too stupid to make heads or tails out of her dossier instructions!".

But then I think that after the initial panic over the thickness of the instruction packet wore off, I did manage to get a fairly good handle on what we have to collect, and then what to do with it. And I already have two papers ready to notarize, and one ready for authentication. Not bad for a few days work.

Getting this dossier completed and on a plane to Vietnam is the only thing keeping us from our baby now. This is so much work, but its getting exciting too! It doesnt seem like it in a way, but were really getting there now. I'll tell you what though. I'm celebrating big time once I know that our dossier has been sent!

Little By Little, Were Inching Towards Our Baby

2006-06-09T12:40:00.000-04:00

So as of today we are officially on board with our new agency! This morning we met with the Vietnam program coordinator and discussed a bit about the program with her. We also dropped off the contracts and our initial payment. So now we finally get to start collecting the paperwork for our dossier! Much of it we have already like the birth certificates, passports, background checks, homestudy report, and of course we cant forget the granddaddy of them all........the 171-H. The only things we have to get is our letters of employment, and our medical forms signed off on again. No biggie.

For those who arent familiar, the dossier paperwork is what get sent overseas to the adoption officials. Its the information that represents us to the Ministry of Justice as prospective adoptive parents. Not only do we have to collect this pile of paperwork, but then it has to go through the Secretary of State, the US Embassy, and Im not exactly sure if there is anyone else who needs to have a hand in the certification/authentication of all those documents. Thats where everyone has to attest to the fact that all of the papers and notarizations are authentic, hence the name. Then after all THAT is done, then the good people at FedEx can get it on its way to the airport where it will spend 4 days making its way to Vietnam.

Anyway, back to this morning, our adoption coordinator thinks that we may be able to have our dossier heading off to Vietnam in about 2 months!!! Then the wait for a referral is 1-3 months, but I have a feeling it will happen fairly quickly. Then travel is roughly 6 weeks later!

Its looking like we may have our baby by the end of the year if things move along smoothly!!! PLEASE let things go smoothly!!!!!!!

Time To Move On

2006-05-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

So this week we got a phone call from the agency we applied to saying that they have accepted us. They were so impressed with how far along we are with our paperwork already, since we already have our CIS clearance for Vietnam and all. I was so happy and relieved to hear that they are taking us on, and that we are getting a tiny bit closer to our baby.

So on to the tough job. Ooooooooooooh I was really not looking forward to calling our agency and telling them that we were switching. I feel like I was insulting them or cheating on them or something. I hate that Im like that, and I know I sounded like a stammering idiot on the phone. But Im over it and now I really dont care. Like I said to George, no one is losing sleep over the fact that we have been cooling our heels for two months now with no end in sight. No one is worrying that I feel so down and depressed, feeling that we are never going to get to our travel day. No one is worrying about us getting our baby home ASAP. OK, maybe that last one is a bit harsh. All of these agencies know how desperately these children are wanted by their forever families. But I need to feel that Im doing whatever it takes to keep things moving, and if that means we have to switch to an agency that can get us to our child quicker, then thats what we have to do.

Taking Matters Into Our Own Hands

2006-05-21T14:20:00.000-04:00

Well, we've made the decision to switch agencies. I hate to do it, but it feels right, like it's really the best thing to do at this point. Our agency has been really great so far and I would recommend them to anyone. I really thought they would be the people who would help us bring our baby home. But I just can't put my life on hold any longer. We have been waiting for their license to be issued for months now. It wasn't so bad in the beginning, but after we had done all of our paperwork and gotten all of our approvals, we just got stuck and couldnt do anymore. Its been two really long, difficult months of no progress, and I just cant have that anymore. I have been waiting four years to have a baby and I am completely out of patience at this point. I can't believe how difficult having a family has been for us! I feel like I've been in a maze and I just keep hitting dead ends.

But no more. If I want a baby, then I have to see to it that things keep moving along however they have to in order to make it happen. And anyway, yesterday I was thinking that as far as swiching to another agency or staying where we are, there is no wrong choice. Either way in the end we will have our baby.

So the thing that stinks is that we had to fill out an initial application with the new agency and send it in along with a check and a picture of each of us. No, it isnt a big deal. And yes of course the agency needs us to fill out some standard forms to get started. But reanswering questions about our histories, finances, ect? Didnt we do this already???? Not only did I fill out the forms before, but I had a social worker in my house twice talking about all of this with us at great length. Doing all of these things once is no trouble, but I resent having to do it again! And the cherry on top is that now we wait two weeks for the application to be reviewed, and they will contact us regarding if we have been approved. WHAT?!?!?!?! I have paperwork from the state that says we are fit to parent, and a form from CIS stating that we are approved. So why do I have to wait to be approved by someone else? Pleeeeeeease just let me get started!!!!!

I know, I know. I'm just being a bit nuts. But man! Cut me a break, huh?

Whoever it was that said "life is a bumpy ride, make sure you wear a helmet", wasn't kidding.

Thinking of My Baby

2006-05-19T19:56:00.000-04:00

Blessed

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

Elton John

Happy Mothers Day

2006-05-13T20:17:00.000-04:00

Most certainly my last one without a baby, right? Right?????? Sometimes Im wondering, I'll tell you that much. This week was our 4th anniversary so last night we went out for a nice dinner. There was a big family there who probably were trying to get their M-day celebration out of the way before the mobs hit on Sunday. They had a little newborn with them and it just tugged at my heart. Will that be me next year? Will I be out at a restaurant with a stroller beside me?

M-day for quite a while has been a holiday that I just try to hide from. Stay out of the Hallmark stores and stuff like that. I've missed my mom alot since shes been gone. Theres so many things she missed out on. Me graduating from school, moving out on my own and buying my first car, getting married, and now, preparing for my baby. It makes me sad, but I know shes cheering me on. All I can do now is take what I learned from her, and try to do right by my own children.

The picture is my mom with me and my brother.

Journey to NJ Part 2

2006-04-26T20:59:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was back up north again for me. Other than going to see Billy Joel on Monday (which was awesome!), it was a totally "preparing for baby" weekend. It was such a fun time! My mother-in-law and I did tons of shopping for the baby. Dear sweet baby, you have so many people who already love you, but at the top of the list, other than me and daddy, is your grandma. She bought you a beautiful crib for your room, a stroller for long walks, and a super carseat for taking trips to visit her. We cant wait to have you home with us!!!

While Im making this post, I just want to thank everyone who has been cheering us on so far. We are really fortunate to have so many friends and family who are wishing us well. Thanks for giving us your support, sharing your tidbits of parenting wisdom, and for the sweet gifts and beautiful fabric swatches for the babys quilt. I need to give a big thank you and cyber hug to my brother as well for sharing in our excitement, and for helping us bring our baby home. It really means alot to me. Everyone else, you know who you are, and we love you for allowing us to share one of the most special times of our life with you.

These are some (just a few out of the HUGE stack!) of outfits grandma bought for the baby.

Tag....I'm it

2006-04-23T02:55:00.000-04:00

JenR

......I'll play too.

A few things about me...

1. I used to have quite the assortment of reptiles as pets. Everything from a 4 foot Iguana to a Savannah Monitor to a 6 foot python. I used to have to go to the pet store a few times a week for food.....crickets, mice, the occasional rat, ect.... I really love all animals, but I'll admit this was a bit out there.

2. I would love to go back to the 70's but as an adult. I was in grade school then, but I just loved the music, the clothes, the disco scene! I would love to have my Farrah Fawcett hair and my Candies heels again.

3. Im hungarian........and I look it. At least this is what a total stranger told me. Just came up to me out of the clear blue and said, "I'd know a Hungarian girl anywhere." So I guess if I your curious what people in Hungary look like, check out my picture at the beginning of my blog.

4. Ever since I was a kid I had this fascination with teeth and the dentist. Now Im a dental hygienist and my obsession is even worse. I cant help but look at everyones teeth everywhere I go. I love it when I can pick out which famous people have had tons of work done.

Tag

Heather

...you're it!

Watch Your Language

2006-04-14T18:08:00.000-04:00

Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert © 2004

First introduced by Minneapolis social worker Marietta Spencer more than 20 years ago, positive adoption language is crafted to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. By using positive adoption language, we help abolish the old stereotype that adoption is second best – a dirty little secret that everyone knows about.

If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent, real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself.

Through the use of positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. By consistently speaking (and writing) in positive adoption language, someday this language will become commonplace – and the old hurtful terms will only serve to expose those who choose to be mean and small-minded. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption, like birth, is just another way to build a family. Both are important, but one is not necessarily better than the other.
There Are Better Ways to Say What You Mean

The old clichés "give up" and "put up for adoption" can slip out of our mouths almost unnoticed. However, are these phrases really accurate descriptions of what takes place when parents choose adoption? Of course not – no one who has gestated a child for nine months can cavalierly “give away” that child! Much heart-wrenching thought and soul searching goes into the decision to choose adoption for your child. Yes, parents do "give up" their parental rights, but do not give up on their child or give up loving their child. Saying that they “gave up” their child for adoption stigmatizes birthparents for deciding they aren't ready or able to parent. Saying that birthparents “gave up” their child is akin to saying that the birthparents made the wrong choice, when in fact, the birthparents made an incredibly strong choice by putting their child ahead of themselves.

Instead of contributing to the use of these outdated and hurtful clichés, those of us touched by adoption can do something to change the world for the better by using positive adoption language. We may have to go through a period of retraining our own minds and hearts while we carefully choose the words we use to describe adoption. We may need to (gently) correct and educate our family, our friends, and our co-workers. As we become more accustomed to using positive adoption language, we'll discover that this way of speaking about adoption will feel just as natural as the old hurtful clichés once did – and hearing the old clichés will offend us as much as a racial slur.

What we say and the words we use, communicate a lot about our values. The conscious and consistent use of positive adoption language affirms that adoption is as valid a way to build a family as birth. Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative phrases that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language you'll reflect the true nature of adoption – free of innuendo.

Negative vs.Positive Language

Instead of:
Real/Natural Parent, try Biological/Birth Parent
Adopted child, for My child
Adoptive parent, to Parent
Adoptable/Available child/orphan, much kinder
to say Waiting child
Gave up/gave away /adopted out, better to say
chose adoption or Made an adoption plan
Foreign child, child from abroad
Foreign adoption, International adoption
Interracial, Mixed race

These are some other thoughts I have on the subject:

Please don't:

Tell us we will become pregnant after adopting. That only happens to 8% of couples.

Tell us we wont truly be parents to a child we didnt birth. What makes you a parent isn't your DNA, but what is in your heart.

Tell us stories about failed placements and problems families have had with adopted children. Of course issues can arise. What in life is guaranteed never to have a problem?

Ask us how much our adoption cost, or even worse, how much we "paid" for our child. We do not pay for children. We pay the expenses (attorneys, courts, travel, ect.) associated with the process.

Ask us questions about why our child was placed for adoption. Our childs story is personal. It is his own, and it will be up to him to decide how much of it he chooses to share with anyone.

Tell us we are doing a "wonderful thing" by adopting. Our child is not a charity case, and we are not heros for adopting him.

Feel sorry for our child.

Please do:

Ask us about our adoption experience. It is truly wonderful and we are happy to talk about it.

Give us as much support as possible. We are excited and nervous about becoming new parents! When we return home from Vietnam with our baby it will be just the same as coming home from the hospital.

Celebrate the diversity of all people. Our child is going to bring a whole new cultural aspect to our family which will be wonderful!

Treat us just like any other family. After all......we are!

Its whine time again

2006-04-07T12:46:00.000-04:00

We are currently at another standstill, as we are still waiting for our agency to get their license for Vietnam. What is taking so long????? Why does everything have to take forever??? You get one thing done, and then have to wait and wait for the next thing! I check the US Embassy website everyday looking for our agencies name on the list, and so far nothing. On the up side they did get their verbal approval already from the Ministry of Justice, so thats good. Did I mention that already? Its not doing us much good though because we still cant do anything until they have the %&$#@* paper in their hands! Vietnam has licensed three more agencies in the US this past week, so I know they arent all sleeping or on vacation over there, but jeez louise, could they move a little faster? Dont they know how crazy this is making me??? And that I have a family to get started on??? Dont they know theyre holding me up?!?!?

Well, here are some good things happening on the baby front.....

So far I have 49 swatches for my 100 good wishes quilt. C'mon people, I know youre out there! Leave me a comment if you would like to donate a piece!

I have everything I need for the Snoopy Sport nursery theme. Got the crib bedding, curtains, wall penant, diaper stacker, and wallpaper border.

I registered at Target for some of the baby things we will need, and we finally applied for our passports (kind of important if we want to be able to go get the baby!).

We started looking at furniture, strollers and the rest of the stuff last week which was alot of fun. So much to look at, but I think were finally starting to make some sense out of it and figure out what we need.

One thing I can always count on when I start getting antsy about the wait, is that it makes me want to go out shopping. It always makes you feel better doesnt it? Im feeling the urge coming on now..............

Baby 101

2006-04-02T21:05:00.000-04:00

So today I attended a baby care class that the agency was hosting so that all of us parents to be could begin getting a grasp on the day to day basics of having a little one at home. I felt a bit better off than some because I have been around a few babies before, its just been a long while. As a teen I did my fair share of babysitting, and my mom did alot of childcare in our home, so I did get some hands on with that thankfully. I do know how to change a diaper, warm bottles, feed and burp, bathe. I have done it before. Hopefully it will all come back easily once baby is here and I wont go into some panic mode and have no clue what to do!

The woman who gave the presentation definately was qualified to teach, as she is currently pregnant with No. 5! She did a really thorough job and I think managed to cover everything really well. Everything from bottle feeding to diaper rash, bath time, sleep time, fevers, colic ect. Those who never changed a diaper (mainly the men!) got to practice on a doll too, which was pretty entertaining. Too bad George couldnt go because it would have just topped off my weekend perfectly to see him put a diaper on a doll! Well, everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Anyway, she had alot of great advice and some really good tips on things that will make life easier while abroad with the baby, on the plane coming back with the baby, and then for the big adjustment to our new life at home.

Its starting to feel so much more real all the time now!

Christmas in March

2006-03-15T20:38:00.000-05:00

After a month of nothing going on, finally this week some more progress! Big progress!!! Our 171-H arrived. For anyone not familiar, the 171-H is your approval form from the office of citizenship and immigration. You need their approval to adopt, and cannot send any paperwork overseas until you have it! Very big important paper it is! From what I have heard from some, the longest wait in the adoption process is waiting for the 171-H to arrive. Lets hope thats true! I dont know how many more long waits my little heart can take. This month of waiting was just awful! I was so afraid something would happen and we would be denied for some reason. Irrational on my part I know, but this means everything in the world to me, to us. This is how we are going to build our family, and knowing that our paperwork was sitting on some strangers desk for evaluation and approval when they dont know us from a hole in the ground was really tough!

I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I am really enjoying the adoption process. Compared to the nightmare that is the world of infertility treatment, this is a joy to work through. But sometimes it is just as difficult and painful as trying to conceive. No way is easy I guess. I just cant believe how much all of this trying to have a baby has changed me and the way I see things. I'll tell you, I'll never look at a family or a child the same way again. I'll never take a second for granted.

OK, so anyway, back to Christmas! The mailman brought us more things this week! Yesterday our Snoopy stuff came in the mail and its so impossibly cute! I just can not wait to get started on the nursery. I have all kinds of ideas going through my head about what to do in there!

Woo Hoo!!! We're gonna be a mommy and daddy!

The decision for the nursery is official, and Snoopy wins by a landslide!

2006-02-26T13:53:00.000-05:00

So I ordered our crib bedding yesterday after we made the final decision that we were going to do the Snoopy sport theme. Oh, I just cant wait until it gets here! It's so exciting to be starting to talk about the nursery. Boy, it looks so weird to even write that. That we are planning our babys nursery! This is the first real purchase we have made so far, and of course its only the very tip of the iceberg. I thought Snoopy was just such a sweet choice somehow. I guess because he is someone we grew up with, you know? He's classic. We are going to go out and start looking at cribs and all that good stuff within the next few weeks hopefully. Ugh, I just hope that 171-H gets here! It's still a dark cloud hanging over my head, and Im just not going to feel safe until we have it.

Bonjour Vietnam

2006-02-19T12:43:00.000-05:00

I thought this was just way too good to put on the side of the page. Its a song sung in French by a Vietnamese girl who was born and raised in Belgium. She sings about her native country, which she doesn't know anything about it except what she has seen or heard about from war movies and the like. In the song, she says: One day, I will be there, I will be there to say hello to my soul, to say hello to YOU, Vietnam."

The accompanying slideshow of the country is amazing, and the lyrics are on the page as well.
Enjoy!

Bonjour Vietnam

100 Good Wishes

2006-02-18T09:01:00.000-05:00

OK, so another project Im doing to pass the time until the baby is home, is to start collecting fabric to make a 100 good wishes quilt. I was going to wait to start asking people to help until we had our approvals from everyone (still waiting on CIS), but Georges mom went absolutely bonkers over this idea, and has already started soliciting the help of everyone she knows (and probably a few strangers on the street). So I figured that I would just take the plunge and start too.

What a wonderful idea this is for any child, not just those who are adopted. To know that so many people were willing to take the time to send a contribution to their special quilt, and to enclose a wish for their future. Below is a copy of the letter we are sending to friends and family, explaining about the quilt, and asking for their help.

If anyone sees this and would like to send a swatch of fabric and a wish for our baby, please leave a comment and let us know. We would really appreciate it!

Dear:

While we are waiting for the arrival of our new baby, we are working on a project that we REALLY need your help with. We are creating something called a "100 Good Wishes Quilt."

To welcome and celebrate a new life, there is a tradition in the northern part of China to make a Bai Jia Bei, or "100 Good Wishes Quilt." It is a custom to invite 100 people to contribute a single square patch of cloth. The 100 patches are sewn together into a quilt that contains the luck, energy, and good wishes from all the families and friends who contributed a piece of fabric. The quilt is then passed down from generation to generation.

We are asking you to please participate in this project. Although we arent adopting from China, but rather Vietnam, we love the idea of welcoming the baby into our home with a quilt that represents the good wishes you are all sending his/her way.

Here is what we would like you to do:
1. Choose ANY fabric that you like. It can be from clothing or from a fabric store. It just needs to be a design and color that you like.

2. Cut one 7"x7" piece of fabric. Tip... if you have no idea how to work with fabric, ask for assistance at a fabric store and show them this letter. They will probably cut it for you!

3. Include your "good wish note" and please remember to attach a small (1"x1") piece of the fabric to the note so the child can match up each square with who sent it. We will place all your wishes in a scrapbook that we will give to the baby someday.

Ideas for selecting fabric squares:
*Select a fabric that is meaningful to you.
*If there are several members in your family, please feel free to send more than 1 set of scraps. It would be so special to include good wishes from all members of your family!! In China, these quilts were originally made from garments of family and friends, which would surround the child with luck/good wishes.

Ideas for good wishes note:
Well... what would you wish for a newborn child to have in his/her life? Some ideas that come to mind are good health, perseverance, compassion, and sense of humor. Use that as a guide for your good wish note. Keep in mind that they will not see your note until he/she is older, of course.

Please take a few minutes from your busy schedules to help us create this very special keepsake for our baby.

Thank you!

Finally, something happened!

2006-02-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

Oh, I cant believe it! I'll tell ya, it seems like an eternity waiting for each new task to get completed! Its so weird because its like I get this high when something new happens, and then once the frustration of the waiting sets in, its like I crash. My mood has been pretty down lately, but Im trying really hard to keep my chin up. I guess somehow Im still very afraid. Afraid that something is going to happen and take all of my hope away, and with it, my chances of having a baby. Infertility will do that to you, I guess. It makes you almost scared to dream after a while. I do realize that I spent alot of time (years!) building a great big wall around my heart, to protect myself from any more pain. Little by little I'm starting to let my guard down though. With each step we take towards our child, one more piece of the wall falls away. I just wish I could really, completely enjoy it, and not always be thinking in the back of my mind "please, please dont let anything bad happen to mess this up for us!".

This past week was big for us though. We had our homestudy officially approved, and today the agency sent it off to CIS! So we should have our approval form, our 171-H, within a few weeks they think. Im just so excited that we have made it this far already! Adoption is a long road, but it really is amazing. Now if our agency would just receive their license from Vietnam already, we would really be full steam ahead..........

The Wait

2006-02-05T20:20:00.000-05:00

The man in the moon is a friend of mine,
I talk to him most every night.
I tell him how deeply I long for you
and how I hope that you're all right.

He insists there's no need to worry,
that he's watching over you...
Helping you to have sweet dreams
And sleep the while night through.

He says his lady friend helps him
by singing sweet lullabies
So that when you're sad, feeling all alone,
She helps to calm your cries.

Until I can come to get you,
which I hope is very soon,
Please find solace in the stars
and my friend, the man in the moon.

For I'm watching him and he's watching you,
So it's like I'm at your side,
Tucking you in, kissing your cheek,
And telling you, dear, "good night".

Hurry Up And Wait

2006-02-03T21:14:00.000-05:00

This is one of the many dreaded times where nothing is happening. At least nothing I can see. Our social worker has sent her homestudy report to our agency where it is being edited for the big trip to CIS. I should be happy, because that is progress in the making, right? Wrong. The only time Im happy is when I am doing something myself. I need to have a task/assignment to do to keep myself busy and feeling like Im doing something to get my little guy here. I thoroughly enjoyed tearing the house up, cleaning everything square inch for the social worker. Also, even though it was something of a pain, making all those calls and sending letters all over the place requesting new birth certificates and everything else. Now we are sitting idle and its making me so sad. Why is it taking so long for us to have a baby? Why cant it be now???

Well, this is a picture of what we are thinking of for the nursery. Its not for definate yet, but I just fell in love with baby Snoopy the minute I saw him. Right now the babys room is Georges office. He has been working on finishing half of the attic for a while now so he can move his stuff up there. Once he is all done, I can paint! That will keep me nice and occupied then.

Another New Year Begins!

2006-01-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

Seeing as the 29th begins the year of the dog I couldn't resist posting a pic of Dyna, our 2.5yo black lab rescue. She's named after Georges' Harley, and is just the sweetest, smartest (sometimes way too smart!) dog.
She's going to go absolutely nuts once there is a baby in the house.

Anyway, this is a link to some interesting info about the

Vietnamese New Year (Tet) ,and the celebrations/traditions surrounding the beginning of the Lunar New Year. Just for fun, see what your Vietnamese zodiac sign is!

The First American Family Is Home!

2006-01-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

It is not our agency who worked with this family to bring their daughter home, but its so exciting to see someone who has completed the process. Ooooooh.......when will it be our turn???

Click here to see the new family!

Big News From Our Agency!

2006-01-25T19:48:00.000-05:00

This is the latest news from the director of our agency who just returned from her second trip to Vietnam. Sounds like it definately wont be long now!!!

Vietnam Update
January 22, 2006

What a trip! One week in Vietnam and every minute was filled with work, adventure and beautiful children.

There were two primary reasons for the visit - to meet with the Director of International Adoptions in the Ministry of Justice and to visit several orphanages to bring supplies and aid funds.

The first few days were in Ho Chi Minh City where we finalized some legal work for our office lease and our humanitarian aid agreement with the orphanage we will sponsor this year. All went well with the paperwork and I was able to meet and work with several officials who will be important to us in the adoption process.

I spent the weekend in Danang with Tran Van Thanh, my guide and assistant throughout this trip. Danang is a beautiful city with Danang Bay on one side and the Han river on the other.

We visited six orphanages and delivered gifts to them all. What a wonderful experience to see the work being done by dedicated people with few resources and little money but with an abundance of love and respect for the children. The programs ranged from a traditional orphanage to a program for street children to a home for children whose families cannot feed and house them but are part of their lives. We look forward to providing continuing support for these programs.

The last days were in Hanoi, where all of our families will go to receive their child’s visa at the U.S. Embassy before returning home. My first impression was not good. The ride into the city from the airport was long and grueling. Terrible traffic, noisy horn-honking cars and trucks and masses of motor bikes . . . not what I was hoping for. A day later, the city grew on me and I found there were many wonderful things to do and see and the people were friendly and helpful.

My appointment with the Ministry of Justice was terrific. Dr. Long, the Director and his legal expert, Mr. Dang Minh Dao, were gracious men with tea prepared and much enthusiasm for the future of our adoption program. We discussed Vietnam’s goals for successful adoptions and Mandala’s interest in assisting their office to carry out the mandate they have. Both of them had wonderful senses of humor and an attitude that was refreshing. They want to find families for their children and think the process should be as efficient as possible. We reviewed the dossier documents our families will complete and they have indeed reduced the amount of paperwork required. They were very supportive of Mandala and our interest in their country.

Because the licensing process involves three local committees in addition to their office, Dr Long could not give me a date for issuing the license but he did say they will push the local reviewers (who have our application) to expedite the process. Once it is back in their office, they will finalize the license right away. Dr. Long suggested that we have families start preparing dossiers in March in anticipation of receiving our license. We will begin making referrals as soon as the license is issued. When I told him we wanted other agencies to go ‘first’ so all the kinks get worked out, he laughed and said it was a smart idea.

Mandala and the orphanage(s) will identify a child eligible for adoption. We will gather pictures and medical information on the child and offer him/her to a dossier ready family. When a family accepts the referral, we will Fed Ex the dossier to our facilitator for translation and personal delivery to Hanoi. Travel should be within four months of the dossier arriving in Hanoi. At this point, we think the stay will be about two weeks but this will be clearer once adoptions have resumed. Mandala is revising the dossier packet and will be happy to discuss any details of the program with interested families.

We are very excited about our role in assisting the children of Vietnam and look forward to seeing many Mandala families fall in love with their children and their children’s culture. It is an extraordinary country!

Licenses Are Being Issued!

2006-01-24T16:57:00.000-05:00

At long last things are finally starting to happen! So far this month nine US agencies have been issued their licenses to begin Vietnamese adoptions. Several families are there already with their children!!! So exciting that it is really happening, and so wonderful for all the children who have been waiting so long to find families.

Our agency hasn't received their license yet, but they are expecting to have it next month. That's fine because we're still working on our paperwork, and arent ready to prepare our dossier for Vietnam yet anyway. Today we went to the CIS office for our fingerprints, so that is a huge thing out of the way. Now we just have to collect a few more pieces of info that we need for them, and the agency has to edit our homestudy report and send that in, and then there is nothing to do but wait to get our approval form, the coveted 171-H, in the mail. After that we are good to go.

Journey To New Jersey

2006-01-23T18:14:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I went to New Jersey to visit family and shared more of my good news with everyone. My niece who is eleven was so sweet about it. Her face just lit up and she got so excited that she is going to have a cousin. I think she was a little disappointed because it wont be a girl, but she got over it pretty quick. She had so many questions about it, like why are the babies in orphanages and why did their parents put them there, how I am going to take care of them when they are home, will they speak English, and she also asked if I happen to get pregnant will I give the baby back to the orphanage. She really wanted to understand and had so many good questions! So after she was satisfied we spent some time thinking about possible names for the baby which was fun. She suggested some names that she liked such as Peter, Nicholas and Tyler, and I showed her a few cute little outfits that I bought.

My brother was happy too, but his first response was something to the effect of how he has been waiting hear some news from us for a while. Yeah............me too. For nearly four years now.
I thought the day would never come when I could announce that we are "expecting" to anyone. Now that it is getting closer though, its sweet. It took a long time to get here, and now Im going to be sure to savor every moment of it.

Today Was Our Final Homestudy Visit

2006-01-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

I cant believe we did it! Our two homestudy interviews are completed and we think we did really well. It was pretty unnerving and really intimidating, but we have a great social worker and she tried to make it a pleasant experience for us. Today was alot easier than the first visit which was more focused on the factual information about us like our education, work history, home environment and finances, whereas today was the day for our individual interviews. It was kind of fun actually just to get to talk about ourselves, our upbringing, our married relationship, and our plans for caring for our baby. The good stuff. When she was done she said she would see us again for our post-placement visits after our child was here!

The New Agreement Between Vietnam and the US

2006-01-08T18:05:00.000-05:00

Vietnam's history goes back more than 2,500 years, to a time when it was part of the Chinese Empire. Vietnam became an independent kingdom in the early 10th century, and gained autonomy in the 11th century. The native dynastic period ended for Vietnam in the middle of the 19th century, when the country was invaded by France, and then by Japan in the 20th century. Vietnam regained sovereignty in 1954, but a war ensued causing the new nation to split for a brief period of time.

Today, Vietnam is home to more than 81 million people. In 2002, 766 Americans completed adoptions of children born in Vietnam. However, all adoptions by Americans of Vietnamese children are currently on hold due to new Vietnamese regulations regarding international adoption.

In July 2002, the Prime Minister of Vietnam promulgated Decree #68/2002, “Marriage and the Family in Vietnam.” Implemented on January 2003, this decree includes a new process for international adoptions that became effective immediately. Until the U.S. (and U.S. adoption agencies) meet the requirements of this new Vietnamese adoption decree, no international adoptions by Americans can be processed in Vietnam. The new Vietnamese adoption decree includes these main provisions:

1. A Memorandum of Understanding on international adoption must be formulated and signed by the governments of the U.S. and Vietnam in order for adoptions to continue;
2. Foreign adoption agencies must be licensed in their own country and in Vietnam, and these adoption agencies must maintain offices in Vietnam supporting humanitarian projects; and
3. All international adoptions in Vietnam will be processed through a new Central Authority at the Ministry of Justice.

Although families who have already received referrals and filed their paperwork in Vietnam are continuing to be processed, adoption agencies will not be able to make new referrals to American families until the U.S. State Department and the Vietnamese government sign the Memorandum of Understanding.

Ed. Note: The new protocal was signed in the summer of 2005 and implementation is awaited.

To see the actual agreement

News Is Traveling

2006-01-08T17:35:00.000-05:00

So as time goes on lots more people are finding out about our adoption plans. Everyone who knows so far be it friends for family has been so excited and happy for us. Georges mom was beyond happy. This will be her first grandchild and she is just over the moon. Someone who we dont know very well called today and congratulated me because he had heard the news (courtesy of grandma). I was a little taken aback by that, but its okay. I guess its just going to take some time to get used to people talking about it and congratulating us. Its wonderful though. So many people just cant wait for you to get here!

I just cant get enough of all of the wonderful pictures of Vietnam and its people. This is a picture of school kids in Bac Ha.

Before I Was A Mom

2006-01-06T17:14:00.000-05:00

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

First Homestudy Visit Today

2006-01-06T16:58:00.000-05:00

Things are getting so real now! I cant believe we actually sat with a social worker today and discussed our future child! What an amazing feeling to know that this year we will have our little one home. To make the day even sweeter, this week the first agency in the country got their license to work with Vietnam! Hopefully ours wont be far behind.

We were so nervous about today, but now that its over we think it went really well. The social worker took a tour of the house and saw the room that we will be converting into a nursery. Then she spent time just talking and getting to know us. Next week we will be doing our individual interviews with her.

Here's To A Great 2006!

2006-01-01T10:28:00.000-05:00

Our Progress So Far

2005-12-28T15:18:00.000-05:00

I'll be glad I started this a few months down the road when things have slowed down and there is nothing to do but sit back and wait. Its good to be able to look back and see just how far you have come. May this list start growing with lots of activity really soon!

2005
August attended an international adoption seminar
September started the paperchase
October 24 fingerprints for the state
November 14 application sent to CIS
December 21 application sent to adoption agency

2006
January 3 autobiographies submitted to social worker
January 6 first homestudy visit
January 13 second homestudy visit
January 24 fingerprints for CIS
February 9 homestudy completed, we're approved!
February 14 homestudy mailed to CIS
March 15 received our 171-H finally!
March 31 applied for passports
May 20 application sent to new agency
May 22 passports received
May 23 acceptance phone call from new agency
May 26 got our background checks updated since they had expired!
June 9 officially signed on with new agency
June 12 started working on our dossier
June 16 got my travel vaccinations-OUCH!!!
July 19 authenticated documents from NJ came back today!
August 4 NC documents all authenticated, dossier sent to DC
August 24 documents are back from DC
August 25 completed dossier delivered to agency, and sent off to Vietnam!!!
September 22 we have a referral!!!
September 29 official acceptance of Tinh's referral
October 16 got our travel date, we have to be in Hanoi Nov 12th!!!
November 15 we left NC for Vietnam
November 17 Arrived in Hanoi
November 22 G&R Ceremony....Were a family!!!
November 23 Turkey Day, Applied for Bryans passport
November 28 Got Bryans passport and had his physical done
November 30 First visa interview
December 7 Second visa interview
December 8 Got Bryans visa and left Vietnam
December 9 Bryan is home

2007
January 13 First Post-Placement Visit
May 19 Second (and final!) Post-Placement Visit
June 1 Filed papers to readopt Bryan in NC
September 1 Adoption decree came today, Bryans adoption is finalized in NC!

Home For The Holidays

2005-12-22T20:03:00.000-05:00

I watched that show last night on TV and it was so inspiring. It was dedicated to foster and adoptive families, and it truly gave me goosebumps. I really hope that it raised awareness as to the staggering numbers of children who are waiting for homes in the world. Im sure it got many people thinking and talking about adoption and perhaps wondering if it may be something they want to investigate for themselves.

Everything I see and hear makes me more sure this is the right path for us. It is so right and I just want to get started already! I cant wait to have our baby home with us. Home for the holidays next year.

Why hasnt any social worker called me yet???

Today We Officially Started The Process

2005-12-16T16:04:00.000-05:00

I dropped off our application and the rest of the required paperwork to begin our homestudy at the agency this morning. It was really crazy trying to get all of that stuff together and for a while I was thinking that it would never get done. One huge accomplishment out of the way! Now we wait for the phone call from the social worker we have been assigned to and make a date to get started. Wow...... we are really going to do this. I just cant believe we are finally moving forward.

Time to get the ticker going again!

Prayer For The Children

2005-12-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

We pray for the children who sneak Popsicles before supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, who can never find their shoes. And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never "counted potatoes,"who never go to the circus, who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money. And we pray for those who never get dessert, who have no safe blanket to drag behind them, who watch their parents watch them die, who can't find any bread to steal, who don't have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser, whose monsters are real.

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed, who never rinse out the tub, who get visits from the tooth fairy, who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool, who squirm in church and scream in the phone, whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep, who live and move, but have no being. We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must, who we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance. For those we smother and...for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

Getting Ready for Christmas

2005-12-10T15:30:00.000-05:00

Hopefully our last one with out children. Not that is hasnt been great, but I'm so ready to have kids help decorate the tree, write letters to the North Pole, and wake up early on Christmas morning to see what Santa bought. I want to have Christmas cards printed with us and our baby to mail to our friends and family next year. It will be a very special holiday for us.

These are a few Christmas ornaments that I bought recently. I hope that they will become something my child can keep when they are older. They will know that mom bought them before she even had us because she was so excited about our arrival the following year. I look at them and they make me happy, knowing that my child will get to see them and have them to keep so they will know what I was doing and what I was thinking while planning for their arrival.

Parenthood............Here We Come!

2005-12-10T14:33:00.000-05:00

We are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Not just any old trip or vacation that will last a few days or a week, and end with a few tanlines and pictures to show to friends. No, this is no ordinary journey. Tanlines fade, people forget about the pictures that get thrown in a box somewhere. But for us this experience will remain forever. This is going to change our lives in every way imaginable. This is the beginning of our journey to become parents. Sometime next year we will be embarking on our first overseas trip to meet our first child. This is really a huge event for us in so many ways. Neither one of us has really been anywhere before. Nor have we ever flown more than a few hours at a time. The trip from North Carolina to Vietnam will take about twenty-four hours! We will be traveling to a foreign land where we don't know anyone and don't know the language for two weeks. Then we will fly back to the states with our precious baby in our arms.

Right now we are just in the beginning stages of preparing to adopt our first child from Vietnam. Somewhere on the other side of the globe is a child who is waiting for us. Waiting for us just as we are for him/her. We have been waiting for quite some time now, and are finally getting close to realizing our dream of becoming parents..........of becoming a family. Someday soon we will be waking up in the middle of the night, tripping over toys, wiping runny noses, and chasing away the boogeyman. Going to ballgames, school plays, and baking cookies for Santa. This experience is truly going to turn our world upside down, as we have been alone for so long, but we're ready for it. Ready for whatever parenthood decides to throw our way. Bring it on!

Its All I Have Ever Wanted

I guess most little girls see themselves as being moms one day and I was definately no exception. I always wanted to be a mother for as long as I can ever remember. All I have ever wanted for myself is to have a "traditional" boring life. Have a husband, kids, dog, and a house with a picket fence. So far I have managed to get everything but the kid and the fence, and Im not losing too much sleep over that one. I have never been one that felt some need to go out and see the world, backpacking through Europe and living out of a suitcase. Im a total homebody and am just so content just to be in my house in my little space on the earth. Nor have I ever felt the desire to do anything extravagant or remotely out of the box. I never really wanted anything besides a family.

Granted, now if I ever won the lottery or somehow got a huge windfall of cash things may be a bit different. Sure, then I would pack a bag and go live like the people in the Corona commercials for a long, long while. But for me, in my life, my reality is that I am never gonna hit the lottery, never gonna be famous or anything like that. Im just gonna be Chris, living in North Carolina along with a ton of other people just like me. I am just so okay with that though. I enjoy just being another face in the crowd, living like most of us do day in and day out. I have a job I enjoy, a beautiful home, a husband who I love dearly, and some good friends and family. Who needs more, honestly? I have a good life, better than many, and Im not one to complain. I am grateful for everything I have. But you know, for everything I do have, its not enough. There is still a hole. A huge gap that I need to fill. My life just isnt going to be complete until I become a mother.