Journey to NJ Part 2

This past weekend was back up north again for me. Other than going to see Billy Joel on Monday (which was awesome!), it was a totally "preparing for baby" weekend. It was such a fun time! My mother-in-law and I did tons of shopping for the baby. Dear sweet baby, you have so many people who already love you, but at the top of the list, other than me and daddy, is your grandma. She bought you a beautiful crib for your room, a stroller for long walks, and a super carseat for taking trips to visit her. We cant wait to have you home with us!!!

While Im making this post, I just want to thank everyone who has been cheering us on so far. We are really fortunate to have so many friends and family who are wishing us well. Thanks for giving us your support, sharing your tidbits of parenting wisdom, and for the sweet gifts and beautiful fabric swatches for the babys quilt. I need to give a big thank you and cyber hug to my brother as well for sharing in our excitement, and for helping us bring our baby home. It really means alot to me. Everyone else, you know who you are, and we love you for allowing us to share one of the most special times of our life with you.

These are some (just a few out of the HUGE stack!) of outfits grandma bought for the baby.

Tag....I'm it

OK

JenR

......I'll play too.

A few things about me...

1. I used to have quite the assortment of reptiles as pets. Everything from a 4 foot Iguana to a Savannah Monitor to a 6 foot python. I used to have to go to the pet store a few times a week for food.....crickets, mice, the occasional rat, ect.... I really love all animals, but I'll admit this was a bit out there.

2. I would love to go back to the 70's but as an adult. I was in grade school then, but I just loved the music, the clothes, the disco scene! I would love to have my Farrah Fawcett hair and my Candies heels again.

3. Im hungarian........and I look it. At least this is what a total stranger told me. Just came up to me out of the clear blue and said, "I'd know a Hungarian girl anywhere." So I guess if I your curious what people in Hungary look like, check out my picture at the beginning of my blog.

4. Ever since I was a kid I had this fascination with teeth and the dentist. Now Im a dental hygienist and my obsession is even worse. I cant help but look at everyones teeth everywhere I go. I love it when I can pick out which famous people have had tons of work done.

Tag

Heather

...you're it!

Watch Your Language

Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert © 2004

First introduced by Minneapolis social worker Marietta Spencer more than 20 years ago, positive adoption language is crafted to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. By using positive adoption language, we help abolish the old stereotype that adoption is second best – a dirty little secret that everyone knows about.

If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent, real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself.

Through the use of positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. By consistently speaking (and writing) in positive adoption language, someday this language will become commonplace – and the old hurtful terms will only serve to expose those who choose to be mean and small-minded. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption, like birth, is just another way to build a family. Both are important, but one is not necessarily better than the other.
There Are Better Ways to Say What You Mean

The old clichés "give up" and "put up for adoption" can slip out of our mouths almost unnoticed. However, are these phrases really accurate descriptions of what takes place when parents choose adoption? Of course not – no one who has gestated a child for nine months can cavalierly “give away” that child! Much heart-wrenching thought and soul searching goes into the decision to choose adoption for your child. Yes, parents do "give up" their parental rights, but do not give up on their child or give up loving their child. Saying that they “gave up” their child for adoption stigmatizes birthparents for deciding they aren't ready or able to parent. Saying that birthparents “gave up” their child is akin to saying that the birthparents made the wrong choice, when in fact, the birthparents made an incredibly strong choice by putting their child ahead of themselves.

Instead of contributing to the use of these outdated and hurtful clichés, those of us touched by adoption can do something to change the world for the better by using positive adoption language. We may have to go through a period of retraining our own minds and hearts while we carefully choose the words we use to describe adoption. We may need to (gently) correct and educate our family, our friends, and our co-workers. As we become more accustomed to using positive adoption language, we'll discover that this way of speaking about adoption will feel just as natural as the old hurtful clichés once did – and hearing the old clichés will offend us as much as a racial slur.

What we say and the words we use, communicate a lot about our values. The conscious and consistent use of positive adoption language affirms that adoption is as valid a way to build a family as birth. Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative phrases that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language you'll reflect the true nature of adoption – free of innuendo.

Negative vs.Positive Language

Instead of:
Real/Natural Parent, try Biological/Birth Parent
Adopted child, for My child
Adoptive parent, to Parent
Adoptable/Available child/orphan, much kinder
to say Waiting child
Gave up/gave away /adopted out, better to say
chose adoption or Made an adoption plan
Foreign child, child from abroad
Foreign adoption, International adoption
Interracial, Mixed race

These are some other thoughts I have on the subject:

Please don't:

Tell us we will become pregnant after adopting. That only happens to 8% of couples.

Tell us we wont truly be parents to a child we didnt birth. What makes you a parent isn't your DNA, but what is in your heart.

Tell us stories about failed placements and problems families have had with adopted children. Of course issues can arise. What in life is guaranteed never to have a problem?

Ask us how much our adoption cost, or even worse, how much we "paid" for our child. We do not pay for children. We pay the expenses (attorneys, courts, travel, ect.) associated with the process.

Ask us questions about why our child was placed for adoption. Our childs story is personal. It is his own, and it will be up to him to decide how much of it he chooses to share with anyone.

Tell us we are doing a "wonderful thing" by adopting. Our child is not a charity case, and we are not heros for adopting him.

Feel sorry for our child.

Please do:

Ask us about our adoption experience. It is truly wonderful and we are happy to talk about it.

Give us as much support as possible. We are excited and nervous about becoming new parents! When we return home from Vietnam with our baby it will be just the same as coming home from the hospital.

Celebrate the diversity of all people. Our child is going to bring a whole new cultural aspect to our family which will be wonderful!

Treat us just like any other family. After all......we are!

Its whine time again

We are currently at another standstill, as we are still waiting for our agency to get their license for Vietnam. What is taking so long????? Why does everything have to take forever??? You get one thing done, and then have to wait and wait for the next thing! I check the US Embassy website everyday looking for our agencies name on the list, and so far nothing. On the up side they did get their verbal approval already from the Ministry of Justice, so thats good. Did I mention that already? Its not doing us much good though because we still cant do anything until they have the %&$#@* paper in their hands! Vietnam has licensed three more agencies in the US this past week, so I know they arent all sleeping or on vacation over there, but jeez louise, could they move a little faster? Dont they know how crazy this is making me??? And that I have a family to get started on??? Dont they know theyre holding me up?!?!?

Well, here are some good things happening on the baby front.....

So far I have 49 swatches for my 100 good wishes quilt. C'mon people, I know youre out there! Leave me a comment if you would like to donate a piece!

I have everything I need for the Snoopy Sport nursery theme. Got the crib bedding, curtains, wall penant, diaper stacker, and wallpaper border.

I registered at Target for some of the baby things we will need, and we finally applied for our passports (kind of important if we want to be able to go get the baby!).

We started looking at furniture, strollers and the rest of the stuff last week which was alot of fun. So much to look at, but I think were finally starting to make some sense out of it and figure out what we need.

One thing I can always count on when I start getting antsy about the wait, is that it makes me want to go out shopping. It always makes you feel better doesnt it? Im feeling the urge coming on now..............

Baby 101

So today I attended a baby care class that the agency was hosting so that all of us parents to be could begin getting a grasp on the day to day basics of having a little one at home. I felt a bit better off than some because I have been around a few babies before, its just been a long while. As a teen I did my fair share of babysitting, and my mom did alot of childcare in our home, so I did get some hands on with that thankfully. I do know how to change a diaper, warm bottles, feed and burp, bathe. I have done it before. Hopefully it will all come back easily once baby is here and I wont go into some panic mode and have no clue what to do!

The woman who gave the presentation definately was qualified to teach, as she is currently pregnant with No. 5! She did a really thorough job and I think managed to cover everything really well. Everything from bottle feeding to diaper rash, bath time, sleep time, fevers, colic ect. Those who never changed a diaper (mainly the men!) got to practice on a doll too, which was pretty entertaining. Too bad George couldnt go because it would have just topped off my weekend perfectly to see him put a diaper on a doll! Well, everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Anyway, she had alot of great advice and some really good tips on things that will make life easier while abroad with the baby, on the plane coming back with the baby, and then for the big adjustment to our new life at home.

Its starting to feel so much more real all the time now!