Final Post Placement Visit

Today was the last one! What a relief!!! Basically it was the same as the first one back in January. How is Bryan? What kind of new things is he doing? How much has he grown? That sort of thing. Of course I get to talking and just cant stop when it comes to bragging about my baby, so she sure got an earful. I was talking faster than she could write. Thats for sure!

Its so funny because the last time the social worker came out, Bryan was barely holding his head up, was just starting to roll over a bit, and wasnt into toys and playing much at all yet. He was so little still. But this time when she asked me what Bryan is doing, I said that hes starting to tear up the house! What a difference a few months makes with these little guys! Like this afternoon, Bryan started clapping his hands together by himself! I've been showing him and trying to get him to do it for a few weeks now, and then all of a sudden he was on the floor and just started doing it. They are constantly changing and doing something new.

So now the social worker writes up her last report and sends it into the agency, and we can go and file our paperwork at the county courthouse in order to complete Bryans adoption in North Carolina. I nearly had a fit when I realized that it was going to take about a year for the paperwork to get processed and be finalized. Isnt that crazy?

First Mothers Day

We celebrated the weekend by having our first family portrait taken. Im so proud of my family, and am truly blessed to have my two men.

OK. So this is how I feel about my first Mothers Day. I want a shirt. I want a shirt that says in big letters "Im a mom! I finally get to be celebrated on Mothers Day!!!!". Maybe it should be in neon letters. Or it should light up or something. I want to advertise to the whole world that Im a mommy now too!

Its just that I have waited so darned long to be a mom. I actually looked forward to this Mothers Day this year. Used to be that I dreaded it. Since my mom has been gone, its been a day that I just tried to stick my head in the sand and pray that it would come and go quickly. Now its different though. Since I have Bryan, I feel that I have gained some closure as far as the pain I feel over not having my mom around anymore. I miss her so much to this day, and would give anything just to feel her hug me again. To once again have that feeling of being so loved, comforted and protected. Safe from everything. Bryan has filled a very big part of that hole in my heart. I feel like now that Im a mom, things have come full circle. Now I have this little being who will always be looking to me for the same things. God how I wish she were here though. When we were in the orphanage with Bryan I thought of my mom. I just thought, "oh mom look! look at him! look at my baby!". Although that hurts alot, I have many wonderful memories and many years of love and laughter that I can look back on now. I can pass all of that on to my son now, as well as focus on making as many special moments for him to have forever too.

Where has our little baby gone?

Today is Bryans 9 month birthday! We go for his checkup next week. I cant wait to see how much hes grown this time! Its such a neat thing to go and have him measured and weighed, and see how well hes doing. It makes a mom proud. And thank goodness no shots at this visit! WooHoooooo!!!!!!!!!!

These are some of the new things going on with Bryan:

He has two teeth right on the bottom in the middle. If youre a dental nerd like me, that would be teeth"O and P". He loves having those little choppers, and is having fun trying them out on crackers and toast.

And as far as food, hes eating a big variety of stuff now. Scrambled egg yolk, yogurt, meat and fish, beans, wheat toast, as well as tons of fruits and veggies. There isnt anything yet that he has turned his nose up at.

Bryan is enjoying learning to feed himself now too. Hes getting pretty good now, and is managing to get the majority of it in his mouth. The rest lands in his lap, hair, all over his face and in his eyes. He makes such a mess, but its so worth having to clean up afterward. Its a hoot to watch him trying to pick up a piece of banana and get it in his mouth. It makes you realize the motor skills you have to have in order to accomplish such a simple task. Im so proud of every little new thing he does. Its amazing to watch him.

Were still not crawling. Bryan seems content to be dragging himself along on his belly. He is rather quick too. Even moreso if hes on the hardwood floor! Just this past weekend though, he started really sitting up and being much more balanced, as well as getting into a sitting position from his belly. He is doing that like a pro.

He did babble mama like two times a while back, one being two weeks ago. But he says dada all the time. I really think hes starting to realize that George is dada too, which is cool. He says a few other consonant sounds as well. But come on baby, Im dying to hear you call me MAMA loud and clear already!!!!!!!

Bryans likes singing and music. He cracks up when I sing him John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, and Little Bunny FuFu. I love hearing him giggle, so I bounce him around and make faces when I sing, and he just laughs and laughs. I do too. Theres no therapy like this. Nothing can make you feel better than just being silly with a child.


So hows that for gushing about my kid? Believe me, I could go on and on about Bryan. He is just the best baby in the world, and I love telling anyone who will listen all about him. Hes really cute, very smart, and has a great sense of humor (which he'll definately need if he's gonna survive in our house!). Seriously though, I love my son and I am so proud of him all the time.

Happy birthday baby! Mommy loves you!

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary

I cant believe its been that long already. Seems like just yesterday that George and I were sitting out on the back patio together. We were leaving in the morning to head to NJ for the wedding. That was the same thing. We spent so much time planning the wedding and it seemed so far away, and then bam! Next thing I knew I was shaking and crying my way up to the altar.

By the time we got married, George and I had been through alot of stuff together. Good, bad, and really bad. But no matter what, we were always there for each other. We were each others best friend. Still are. Always will be. And thats the stuff that solid relationships are built on. Its easy to share all the good things together. Thing is that in life, alot of the time it seems like there is more bad than good coming your way. Life is stressful and difficult. Sometimes downright painful. And those are the times when your relationships are truly tested. Thats where it counts. If youre lucky, those times will make your bond stronger than it was before. Many times and many situations dont turn out that way however. People who you thought were sticking with you for the long haul end up bailing out and moving on. It just happens. People move in and out of your life all the time. But hopefully you will eventually find that one special person who is different from all the rest. The one who will stick by you, support you, and love you no matter what. For all time. Thats what I found in George.

The biggest, and by far the most difficult thing for us to deal with as a couple, (and believe me when I say that there have been some real doozies!!!), has been starting a family. What comes so easily to most people, turned into a nightmare for us. Fast forward four and a half years, and here I am typing away while listening to our son snoring away on the baby monitor. For a while there we were thinking that we would never be parents. In a way, I think that our struggles to start a family was a good thing. Granted, I would never want to be there again, and my heart goes out to all of the people who are dealing with it now. But for all that we went through.......all the stress, tears, uncertainty and fear, we came out on the other side much stronger. As a couple and individuals. And we did eventually achieve our goal of becoming mommy and daddy.

It didnt happen as we had thought it would, but I'll tell you something. I wouldnt change a thing now. The journey to Vietnam brought us to Bryan, our beautiful son. George is a great daddy too. He loves his little man with everything he has. Everyday when we get home from work and the babysitter, daddy comes out to the car and gets Bryan out of his carseat. He kisses him and makes him giggle, either by tickling his tummy or tossing him in the air. Bryan gets so excited when he sees George too. They are my two guys, and I love them both more than anything. They fulfill my life in everyway.

To my husband: I love you sweetie. Happy anniversary.