First Mothers Day

We celebrated the weekend by having our first family portrait taken. Im so proud of my family, and am truly blessed to have my two men.

OK. So this is how I feel about my first Mothers Day. I want a shirt. I want a shirt that says in big letters "Im a mom! I finally get to be celebrated on Mothers Day!!!!". Maybe it should be in neon letters. Or it should light up or something. I want to advertise to the whole world that Im a mommy now too!

Its just that I have waited so darned long to be a mom. I actually looked forward to this Mothers Day this year. Used to be that I dreaded it. Since my mom has been gone, its been a day that I just tried to stick my head in the sand and pray that it would come and go quickly. Now its different though. Since I have Bryan, I feel that I have gained some closure as far as the pain I feel over not having my mom around anymore. I miss her so much to this day, and would give anything just to feel her hug me again. To once again have that feeling of being so loved, comforted and protected. Safe from everything. Bryan has filled a very big part of that hole in my heart. I feel like now that Im a mom, things have come full circle. Now I have this little being who will always be looking to me for the same things. God how I wish she were here though. When we were in the orphanage with Bryan I thought of my mom. I just thought, "oh mom look! look at him! look at my baby!". Although that hurts alot, I have many wonderful memories and many years of love and laughter that I can look back on now. I can pass all of that on to my son now, as well as focus on making as many special moments for him to have forever too.